


Silence [And Words We Never Say In Between]

by loveseek630



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Triangles, M/M, Pining, Rivalry, mention of sexual activities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-06-10 20:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15299826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveseek630/pseuds/loveseek630
Summary: Hongbin understood, the moment he first caught Taekwoon looking at Hakyeon with such loving eyes. He knew because he looked at Hakyeon the same way.Sometimes, he would also get caught by Taekwoon. And even though they never talked about it, they just knew. And they understood. It was a silent agreement to never talk about it, and never make any move.But they could only stay silent for so long. Someone's bound to snap at some point. Or maybe they'll all snap sooner or later.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle Trip was just couple goals.

 

Hongbin had always known. It was an open secret between the two of them. And possibly, the other members knew too, although Hongbin hoped against hope that they didn't.

 

 

Nobody ever really talked about it. He just knew that Taekwoon knew, because he was sure that Taekwoon felt the same, especially if the way Taekwoon was staring at him now was any indication. 

 

Hongbin came home to their dorm after hanging out with Gongchan, and he found Taekwoon slumped against their living room couch while watching TV. He greeted hello before he noticed his own face on the screen and realized what Taekwoon was watching.

 

Battle Trip.

 

Specifically, the one where Hongbin and Hakyeon went to Thailand.

 

-=o0o=-

 

 Hongbin couldn't remember how or when it started. He genuinely thought that he was just like the other members. At first, they all found Hakyeon a little too annoying, too touchy, and sometimes, too overbearing. But he was also too skilled and hardworking, which made him too admirable, no matter how much they complained about him. And thankfully, Hakyeon was also just a little too persistent that he managed to make his way into his members' hearts even before they were officially formed as a group. 

 

Hongbin wondered if they were all just what people would call "tsunderes" by nature, or if they only acted that way to balance out Hakyeon's overflowing affection. Everyone acted like they don't care much or rolled their eyes whenever Hakyeon did something, but they all love and respect Hakyeon, whether they would like to admit it or not. 

 

So Hongbin didn't understand when it all changed for him. He didn't want to acknowledge it at first. He told himself he just admired Hakyeon the way the other members did and that he looked at Hakyeon as a hyung. But it later became painfully obvious to him. His resistance to Hakyeon's charms got a tiny bit weaker each time Hakyeon smiled at him. He felt like melting whenever Hakyeon looked at him. And he cringed each time Hakyeon acted cute to get what he wanted, but he'd be damned if he said his heart didn't flutter. He always held himself back, but there was nothing he wanted more than to hold Hakyeon in his arms and live the rest of his life with him. No matter how much he whined, he would go wherever Hakyeon wanted to go and do whatever Hakyeon asked him to do. Even the whole Battle Trip crew and audience noticed it. 

 

So at some point, Hongbin just accepted the fact that he loved Hakyeon more than any other member did. Or so he used to think, until he noticed Taekwoon was secretly staring at Hakyeon a little too often. Taekwoon's eyes which used to be cold and scary slowly became warm and affectionate. His stiff and bashful disposition eventually changed. Huge part of it was of course, because the whole group made him feel more accepted and helped him be more comfortable. But more than anyone else, it was Hakyeon who insistently offered his hand for Taekwoon to reach, and gently led him out of his shell. So Hongbin understood, the moment he first caught Taekwoon looking at Hakyeon with such loving eyes. He knew because he looked at Hakyeon the same way.

 

Sometimes, he would also get caught by Taekwoon. And even though they never talked about it, they just knew. And they understood. It was a silent agreement to never talk about it, and never make any move. At least until Battle Trip happened. Or at least until Taekwoon watched their episode.

 

-=o0o=-

Hongbin stood awkwardly at the doorway, unsure of how he would react. The first part of their Thailand trip just ended and Taekwoon was just staring at him. Hongbin felt a little guilty. He wasn't the type of person who would think that he deserved to go on that trip with Hakyeon more than Taekwoon, but he did not have any reason to think he didn't deserve it either. It was a combination of luck that he was available for the schedule, and the compatibility that he matched well with Hakyeon despite their differences in style. 

 

"I..." Hongbin hesitated. There really was nothing for him to do or say. "I'll just go to my room."

 

 "You fell," Taekwoon suddenly said while Hongbin was passing by the couch. Taekwoon was still sitting, but now he was staring blankly at the TV screen instead of shooting laser beams at Hongbin.

 

"Huh?" Hongbin was confused for a second on what Taekwoon meant. "Oh, at the hot spring? Yeah, Hyung is a sly fox. I can't believe I lost to him at palm pushing." This couldn't get any more awkward, could it?

 

Taekwoon hummed. "He told you not to fall..." Taekwoon paused. "Towards him."

 

Hongbin's face was starting to heat up. He was glad Taekwoon wasn't looking at him bec he felt himself blushing hard as he realized what Taekwoon wanted to say. _You fell for him._

_"_ Yeah," Hongbin almost coughed. "I didn't. I fell backwards." _I'm taking a step back._

_"_ It was funny, when you cracked the raw egg on his head."

 

Hongbin forced a laugh. "He got angry after that."

 

"But he still fed you with the remaining egg. And you had lots of great food. It seems like you had lots of fun."

 

Okay, now Taekwoon's voice was leaking with jealousy. Whether it was about Hakyeon or about good food, Hongbin was sure Taekwoon could shoot him down with his glare if they were facing each other.

 

"Hyung..."

 

Taekwoon was silent for a while, and then he sighed deeply as he leaned back on the couch again. Hongbin took it as a relief because it meant that Taekwoon was cooling off.

 

"I'm hungry," Taekwoon said, before sighing again.

 

"..."

 

Taekwoon turned his head to look at Hongbin. "I'm hungry," he repeated.

 

It felt demanding.

 

"I... would offer to cook for you but we both know you're better in the kitchen," Hongbin finally answered."I'm a disaster waiting to happen."

 

"Ramyun would be fine."

 

"Err..." Well, ramyun should be manageable. "Okay? I'll just go in and change, and then cook ramyun?"

 

"Okay?"

 

Hongbin didn't understand the questioning tone in Taekwoon's reply but he just went with it. "Okay."

 

The noodles turned out a little overcooked, but spiced just enough. Taekwoon complained but he ate it all up anyway. Hongbin felt like he paid back a debt.

 

Hongbin thought they could go back to not talking about it again after that. Unfortunately, having two members harbor such feelings for a person like Hakyeon was more complicated than any of them wished it would be.

 -=o0o=-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just intended this to be a one-shot but it's gotten so long and I decided to just cut it into chapters.  
> This chapter is just all soft, but it could border nsfw at some point. Key word: BORDER. I will NOT write actual smut VIXX fics.
> 
> Who do you think will end up together? ㅋㅋㅋ


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breathe if you ever got affected by Hakyeon's dancing.

 It was never simple or easy. Hakyeon was lovable in every way possible. In fact, Hongbin was sure that if the other three members weren't straight, they would also have fallen for Hakyeon.  Hakyeon was kind and caring. He would do anything he could for anybody he cared about. He would sacrifice anything he had to protect the ones he loved. He would never leave you to fend for yourself. The man was fuckin beautiful that he could pass as ethereal. And when he danced, he was the definition of art.

 

 

 

The dancing part can get really difficult sometimes. Hakyeon's style has heavily influenced both the whole group's and the members' individual dancing style. Each member has a distinct type of movement. Taekwoon is stiff but still somehow sexy. Ken is awkward but sharp, and still greatly improving day by day. Ravi is precise and rough. Hyuk is wild and manly.Hongbin is an average learner who will just strictly follow choreography, though sometimes out of tempo. None of them could ever be as fluid and graceful as Hakyeon, but somehow, their choreographies have taken a turn to always have a Hakyeon touch in it, even when he's not the one creating the steps. It has become VIXX's signature adult sexy type of dance.

 

Hongbin honestly liked it. He was proud of it. His problem was that more often than not, their choreographies involved Hakyeon being overly sensual and intimate with one or two members. Sometimes, if the choreographer couldn't decide, they just played rock-paper-scissors to decide which member will be paired with Hakyeon. Of course, everyone except Ken still pretended they didn't want to do it. Hyuk probably didn't mind too. Hongbin wouldn't speak for Taekwoon but he, himself, was always conflicted about it. On one hand, Hongbin wanted to be chosen. He wanted to bask in sin and be touched by Hakyeon in a way that Hakyeon will never do on a normal day. On the other hand, he dreaded it. Because Hakyeon touching him everyday was always pure and innocent, but Hakyeon touching him while dancing would be sexy and seductive. Hongbin was afraid he would snap. It wouldn't be a pretty news headline for an idol to grow a boner onstage.

 

Sometimes, Hongbin did not even need to be touched. He could be sitting quietly from a corner of the practice room while watching Hakyeon dance and his brain would just come up with inaporopriate thoughts. He would feel guilty afterwards, but he couldn't help it. He longed for Hakyeon so much that he could almost feel physical pain.

 

This time, though, he wasn't just imagining things. They were rehearsing for Lost Fantasia and Hongbin was sitting on one side of the practice room with Ravi for a 20 minute break while Hakyeon kept working on their solo dance interludes. He let each member think of what they wanted to do and use their own style on it. Only Hyuk and Ravi came up with their own ideas, and even their interlude needed some re-hashing. So instead of taking a break, Hakyeon kept discussing it with their choreographer. And he practiced each dance so he could help teach the members too.

 

Hongbin regretted choosing that moment to look and watch. Circle was already sensual as it is. Adding a sexy interlude was gravely dangerous for Hongbin's heart. And indeed, he was entranced. He couldn't take his eyes away from Hakyeon. He couldn't even swallow the water he had been drinking. He just stared. And he felt himself treading on thin ice which... Eventually broke.

 

He excused himself and told Ravi he needed to take a piss. He ran towards the nearest restroom and quickly washed his face with cold water.

 

"Pull yourself together, Lee Hongbin," he told himself. "You can't be like this here."

 

Some seconds later, he heard someone coming into the restroom. He panicked and ran to the nearest cubicle because hell, he didn't want to be seen by anyone with a tent up his sweatpants.

 

He heard the door open, but it was dead silent for a moment. And then he heard the faucet water running.

 

Hongbin wanted to disappear. He shut his eyes and wished so hard that he was just dreaming and when he wakes up, he'd be back in his room, alone, safe, and far from Hakyeon's seduction. But the moment he closed his eyes, he could clearly see the image of Hakyeon dancing Circle and he just couldn't will his "problem" away.

 

"Dammit!" Hongbin cursed under his breath as he opened his eyes again.

 

"Hongbin-ah, is that you?"

 

It just had to be Taekwoon.

 

"..."

 

"Lee Hongbin?"

 

Hongbin sighed. No use pretending he wasn't there. "Yes, hyung, it's me."

 

"I see."

 

"What are you doing here?" Hongbin was still in the cubicle and he had no intention of going out just yet.

 

"..." It took a while for Taekwoon to answer, and when he did, his voice was low and embarrassed. Hongbin could just imagine how red his face was. It was only then that Taekwoon turned off the faucet and faced Hongbin's cubicle. "Probably the same as you," Taekwoon said.

 

Hongbin choked a little. Of course. There was no way Taekwoon could have watched Hakyeon and not get affected. "Isn't Circle your song though? Should you really be taking a break right now? You should go back and practice with Hakyeon-hyung." Hongbin was half-intending to tease and half-wishing Taekwoon would just go away.

 

"Would you be okay with him teaching me that dance?"

 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Hongbin tried to pretend it didn't bother him. Thankfully, Taekwoon couldn't see him inside his stall.

 

"I'm not."

 

"What?"

 

"I'm not okay with it," Taekwoon said. "You know he's gonna get touchy with me. And... He'll have a lot of work to do for me to be able to do that. Heck, I don't think I'll be able to do it even if I practice day and night. But just the thought of him helping me through it..." He grunted. "Hey, Bin,"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Switch with me. You do Circle."

 

"What? Hyung, no!"

 

"You don't understand. I'm gonna die. Both from Hakyeon and from embarrassment."

 

"Oh yes, hyung, I do understand." Hongbin turned to face Taekwoon's direction, even though they still couldn't see each other through the thin cubicle door. He put his hands on his hips and whined. "I did Toxic with him, remember?"

 

"But you pulled it off! I can't do it!"

 

Hongbin chuckled. His little sweatpants problem was slowly going away as they talked about Taekwoon's internal struggle. He found it really funny and adorable, but also a little pathetic how Taekwoon couldn't handle it.

 

"Hyung, I managed Toxic, you can do this. At least you'll only die during rehearsals. He won't be up there on stage grinding with you."

 

"Thanks, that helped," Taekwoon snarled saracastically.

 

"..."

 

"How long are you gonna stay there?"

 

Right. Their break was almost over, and Hongbin's boner was gone completely. He opened the door and was met by Taekwoon's extremely red face. Hongbin couldn't help but laugh, which made Taekwoon glare at him.

 

"I hate you. You're not my friend anymore."

 

"I'm sorry, hyung."

 

Just as Hongbin was about to leave, they heard Hakyeon's voice growing louder. He was coming into the restroom. It was Taekwoon's turn to panic and he pushed Hongbin back to his cubicle. Only this time, Taekwoon locked himself in with him.

 

The moment he realized it, Hongbin stared at Taekwoon, confused at why they were hiding in the first place.Taekwoon just put a finger on his lips to shush him.

 

"Sorry, I wanted to have dinner with you tonight but I don't think I'll have time either." They heard Hakyeon's voice from outside. He was talking to someone on the phone.

 

"Yeah, we're still practicing for the concert. I know you're busy for your comeback too. So maybe we can have dinner another time."

 

Both Taekwoon and Hongbin frowned. Just from the happy tone of Hakyeon's voice, they could already tell whom he's talking to. Hongbin occasionally got jealous of Taekwoon but he never worried about it because he knew Taekwoon would never make a move. BTOB's Lee Minhyuk, on the other hand, was someone he always felt wary of.

 

Hongbin liked Minhyuk, as much as he liked the rest of BTOB. As most of their fans called them, BTOVIXX was like one big family. But Hongbin couldn't ignore the tight knot in his stomach whenever he knew Hakyeon was hanging out with Minhyuk, or even just talking to him on the phone. He always thought Hakyeon looked at Minhyuk with just a little more warmth in his eyes. And he was afraid that one day, Minhyuk will take Hakyeon away from him.

 

Hongbin could tell Taekwoon felt the same. The cubicle was spacious enough for  both of them to stand at a comfortable distance from each other and Hongbin could clearly see the tension on Taekwoon's jaw.

 

"Yeah, I think I'll be helping Taekwoon tonight."

 

Taekwoon refused to look at Hongbin. He was still bright red on the face.

 

"He ran away the moment we asked him if he was okay with the choreography so I think we might have to tone it down a little. It might have been too much for him."

 

Hongbin wanted to laugh, although he had the sense not to. Taekwoon has now crouched on the floor, hugging his knees and hiding his face behind his arms.

 

"It's not my fault ideas just come into my head and our dance team likes it. Besides, don't underestimate Taekwoon. He's a little too noodly with his goddamn limbs but his dancing has improved so much. I know he can do it as long as he puts his mind in to it. He can be really sexy too!"

 

Taekwoon raised half of his red face a little after hearing the praise, but he still didn't stand. Hongbin smiled fondly at him.

 

"Don't say that. I'm just here to help him. All of them. They're such good kids and I love them all."

 

Hongbin bit back a bitter remark. That's all they will ever be for Hakyeon. Good kids. Good dongsaengs. Maybe Taekwoon felt it too, bec he suddenly stood up. The movement surprised Hongbin that he tumbled backwards. He slammed his hand on the wall to keep himself from falling. Only, it made a noise that let Hakyeon know he was there.

 

"Oh, is anyone there? Are you all right?" Hakyeon knocked on their door.

 

Eyes wide with panic, Hongbin and Taekwoon argued silently who should respond. Hongbin thought it was Taekwoon's fault so he should answer, but realizing that Hakyeon had been talking about his noodly long limbs, Hongbin understood that it could get more awkward.

 

"Hello? Are you okay? Should I call for help?"

 

"Y-yes, hyung. It's me, I'm okay."

 

"Hongbin? What are you doing?"

 

"Uhhh... My stomach ached really bad so..."

 

"I didn't even realize you were there. How long have you been there? Do you need anything? Did you run out of tissue? Are you constipated? Do you need to go to the hospital later? Can you keep rehearsing? I-"

 

"Hyung, shut up!" Hongbin rolled his eyes as he threw a light punch Taekwoon's shoulder. Hakyeon was such a mother hen and Taekwoon was slightly laughing. "I'm okay. I'd rather not talk about bomb business while you're still on the phone with Minhyuk-hyung. I'm done. I'm just... Just..."

 

Suddenly he didn't know what to say.

 

"Just go away!" Okay, that didn't come out well. 

 

"..."

 

"Sorry," Hongbin sighed. "I'll be out soon. Please just go back without me."

 

"Okay," Hakyeon replied. "You sure you're okay?"

 

"Yes, hyung, just leave. Please. Thank you."

 

Hakyeon washed his face before leaving. They all just fell silent. Hongbin wasn't really sure when he dropped the call with Minhyuk, but it didn't seem like he was talking to anyone anymore when he left the restroom.

 

"If you're not back in the practice room in 10 minutes, I'm coming back here to drag you out. Okay?"

 

He sighed in relief when they finally heard the door close.

 

Hongbin punched Taekwoon's shoulder again. "I hate you," he grumbled. "Let's get out of here." Hongbin was about to open the door.

 

"Uhh... You go ahead."

 

"What, you have your own bomb business?"

 

"Kinda."

 

Hongbin didn't miss the way Taekwoon was hiding his crotch from his view. Ahh. The praise kink.

 

"You seriously got turned on when he said you're sexy, huh?"

 

"Shut up, you're not my friend anymore."

 

Hongbin but his lip. Taekwoon's face flushed redder than Hongbin thought was possible. "You only have 10 minutes."

 

"No, he gave you 10 minutes. Not me."

 

"He'll be looking for you too if you don't go back soon. Our break time's over."

 

"Just go," Taekwoon grumbled as he opened the cubicle door for Hongbin. But Hongbin closed it again and grabbed Taekwoon's arm.

 

"I can help you if you want?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, I will not be writing actual smut, so I'm cutting here. lol
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

  

 

It was a bad idea. They both knew it. It was impulse. The heat of the moment. The mental images of Hakyeon's alluring moves. The frustration on the thought that Hakyeon was possibly in love with someone else.

 

It was the worst idea.

 

They regretted it fifteen minutes later, when they returned to the practice room one after the other and they were met by an angry Hakyeon.

 

"Lee Hongbin! I gave you ten minutes!"

 

Hongbin went in first because Hakyeon gave him a time limit and he was 5 minutes late. He knew he was in trouble but it could have been worse. Hakyeon could have done what he said and really gone back to the restroom after 10 minutes. So Hongbin was almost glad to just accept his scolding rather than have Hakyeon catch him giving his rival a handjob.

 

"I'm sorry, hyung." Hongbin immediately apologized. He also bowed an apology to the staff and the other members. "I got stuck at restroom. Err... I'm really sorry."

 

Taekwoon came in then, and Hakyeon just glared at him.

 

"Hyung, where have you been?" It was Hyuk who yelled out the question.

 

"Uhh. Sorry. I was out getting some fresh air when my sister called. I got carried away because she said Minyul got sick." Taekwoon was mentally apologizing to Minyul for making such an excuse.

 

It seemed believable enough because everyone knew how soft Taekwoon could get when it came to Minyul. But Hakyeon's glare didn't soften at all. It made both Taekwoon and Hongbin feel really bad.

 

"You both realize you're not the only ones working for this concert, don't you?" Hakyeon wasn't even yelling, but that just made it worse. It felt like a volcano was waiting for the right time to erupt. "Everyone here don't deserve to waste their precious time, just waiting for you guys to finish your personal business."

 

"I'm sorry," Taekwoon and Hongbin said at the same time. Taekwoon's face wasn't any less red than it had been when they were inside the cubicle. Hongbin was just feeling embarrassed and guilty.

 

"Hongbin, are you sure you're okay?"

 

"Huh?" Hongbin felt even guiltier. Hakyeon still worried about him despite being angry. He didn't deserve his kindness.

 

"Right, you said you got stuck. How did you get out?" Jaehwan asked worriedly too.

 

"Uh yeah. No," Hongbin stuttered. "I mean not that kind of stuck. I just... You know... I must have eaten something bad. But it's okay now. Let's go back to practice."

 

They resumed group practice until halfway through the afternoon. Hakyeon stopped glaring at them at some point, but he also refused to talk to them unless it was to correct their dancing or call for a break, emphasizing it's only a short water break. When Jaehwan had to leave for his solo schedule, they started with individual practice again. Hyuk and Ravi have practiced during the time they were waiting for Hongbin and Taekwoon to return, so now Hakyeon worked with Hongbin on Scentist while their choreographer discussed with Taekwoon the revised steps they made for Circle.

 

Hakyeon wouldn't look at Hongbin in the eyes, but he watched carefully as Hongbin rehearsed with the back up dancers. He would point out his mistakes, and sometimes demonstrate when Hongbin needed reference, but he felt distant to Hongbin. And despite what he told Minhyuk, Hakyeon stepped aside when it was Taekwoon's turn to practice. He just sat on one side and watched quietly while Taekwoon was being taught of the steps. Hongbin took this chance to sit with him.

 

"Hyung, are you still mad?" He asked, placing a tentative hand on Hakyeon's shoulder. 

 

"I'm not. Why would I be?" Hakyeon replied, still refusing to look at Hongbin.

 

"You are, though." Hongbin slid his hand down to Hakyeon's back and rested his forehead on Hakyeon's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I know you trained us all to be professionals. I won't be late for practice ever again. And I'm sorry, I yelled at you earlier. I know I was rude. I was just really embarrassed." He felt guilty. He didn't think Hakyeon would get so mad over something like that, but he just felt bad for lying. Moreover, messing around with Taekwoon felt like he cheated on Hakyeon, even though they were not even dating.

 

"I'm not mad. I was... I'm just worried about you."

 

Any other time, Hakyeon would have patted Hongbin's head, or placed an arm around him. But Hakyeon was still acting cold, just watching Taekwoon rehearse.

 

So Hongbin took the initiative and hugged Hakyeon instead, arms wrapping around his tiny waist. "I'm okay now, hyung. You don't have to worry."

 

No response.

 

"I... I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you dinner after practice."

 

"I'm going out with Minhyuk."

 

Hongbin felt his heart drop. He wanted to hug Hakyeon tighter, but instead, his arms dropped loose, pulled back, and hands fell idly on the floor. He couldn't decide what to make of that statement. Did Hakyeon mean he was dating Minhyuk or did he just mean they were going out for dinner tonight?

 

"I thought we'll be practicing til late? I mean... I Didn't mean to eavesdrop but... I heard... and... What about practice? You said he's busy with comeback and you'll have dinner with him next time? "

 

_Please. Please say that's what you meant. Please say you're not actually dating him._

 

"Yeah. Changed my mind. He said he can make some time for me tonight. I'm kinda tired too, so I'm afraid I'll snap at Taekwoon if we practice together."

 

Hongbin should have felt relieved. But he really didn't feel any better. For one, he was extremely jealous that Hakyeon was choosing Minhyuk over him.

 

"If you feel tired, you should just rest at home."

 

Hakyeon suddenly looked at him eye-to-eye. Hongbin froze.  He felt his heart racing as he stared back at Hakyeon.

 

Finally, Hakyeon reached out to pat his head. "You're a good kid, Lee Hongbin."

 

"Y-you know you're making yourself sound older when you say that? I'm just a few years younger than you." Hongbin stuttered, hoping he wasn't flustered enough to blush. Although he would later think back to this moment and sulk that Hakyeon still referred to him as a kid.

 

"You're a good kid," Hakyeon repeated. And the smile that Hongbin was waiting for finally appeared.

 

"Hyung, I'm going ahead." Ravi called out from the other side of the room. "I'm going back to the studio to work on something, so I'll be home late."

 

Hakyeon stood up and pouted. "You should just go home and rest with Hyukkie."

 

Ravi just shrugged and waved goodbye. Hyuk stayed to practice his solo in a corner, while Taekwoon was having a hard time with his. The instructor and back up dancers were obviously getting frustrated too.

 

"Hyung, I know you're tired, but... Don't you think Taekwoon-hyung is just stuck right now?" Hongbin whispered to Hakyeon.

 

"I've noticed," Hakyeon replied. Their choreographer has thrown SOS looks at him a few times now.

 

"You said earlier that you're gonna help him... Are you still mad at him?"

 

Hakyeon sighed. "It's not that Taekwoon can't do it. It's just that he's distracted and embarassed. That makes every step even more awkward for him. I don't need to teach him the steps because he already knows it. He just needs to focus and get comfortable in his own skin."

 

"And you're not gonna help him do that?" Hongbin was internally questioning himself. It wasn't like he didn't know Taekwoon would feel more awkward if Hakyeon helped him with the dance, especially after what happened earlier. He just thought it was not like Hakyeon to sit quietly and not say a single word to Taekwoon. Part of him was also sulking that maybe Hakyeon was afraid he'll get stuck with helping Taekwoon and will have to cancel his plans with Minhyuk (which Hongbin honestly hoped for).

 

"I can't do that for him."

 

"Why?"

 

"It's his body. His self-confidence. He has to own his limbs and stop feeling embarrassed. It's not like it's the first time he's dancing something sexy."

 

"Yeah, but you could say something to at least encourage him?"

 

For the second time that day, Hakyeon stared into Hongbin's eyes as if he was looking deep into his soul. "Why don't you say something encouraging to him?"

 

"Because I'm not you. I'm just an average dancer. Hearing encouragement from a dancer like you boosts us to go on."

 

Hakyeon smiled weakly. He leaned his head against Hongbin's wide shoulder and sighed. "That's nice to hear, Hongbin-ah. I'm glad you think that highly of my dancing."

 

Taekwoon flopped face-first on the floor just then. The choreographer gave Hakyeon another look. Hakyeon just nodded.

 

When Taekwoon finally sat up, Hakyeon called out to him and told him to rest.

 

"I'm... Sorry." Taekwoon couldn't even raise his head up.

 

Hakyeon sighed. He leaned a hand on Hongbin's shoulder to push himself up and walk towards Taekwoon. Hongbin followed.

 

"Let's call it a day," he faced their other staff and thanked them for the hard work. Hongbin did the same and bowed to each of their staff. 

 

"Hyukkie, wrap up. Let's go home."

 

Taekwoon still didn't stand or even raise his head. Hakyeon knelt down and patted his shoulder.

 

"Taekwoonnie..."

 

"I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this."

 

"If you really don't want to do it, we can always change it," Hakyeon said. It surprised Hongbin because he didn't think Hakyeon would encourage giving up.

 

Taekwoon glanced at Hakyeon, still embarrassed. "We can? But you and hyungnim worked hard on it. I'm just... I'm just not fit for it. Maybe we should let Wonshik or Hyuk do it. I'll just sing."

 

"Wait, what?" Hyuk perked up when he heard his name.

 

Hakyeon shook his head.

 

"They came up with their own solos. You couldn't come up with yours, so we're giving it to you. If you really don't like it, we'll come up with another one, but Taekwoon," Hakyeon made sure Taekwoon was looking straight into his eyes, and he talked firmly. "If you give up right away without giving it your best shot, I'll be really disappointed."

 

Taekwoon gulped. But he nodded. "I'll keep working on it."

 

Hongbin has known Hakyeon for nine years, but he would never stop being amazed at how much power Hakyeon could wield over the people around him. 

 

"Good," Hakyeon smirked. "Now get up. Let's get going."

 

"Are you going home with us?" Hongbin asked hopefully.

 

"Yeah."

 

Hongbin smiled. But then Hakyeon continued, "I need to shower and get changed. I can't really meet Minhyuk drenched in sweat like this, can I?"

 

"Oh, I see."

 

"Hurry up, let's go."

 

But Hongbin just stayed where he was.

 

"Lee Hongbin?"

 

"Ahh Sorry, hyung," Hongbin turned and looked at Hakyeon through the mirror. "Can I stay to practice a little bit more? I want to run down the other songs too."

 

"Would you be okay alone?"

 

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

 

"Okay. I'll see you at the dorm."

 

"Yeah. Bye."

 

Taekwoon stared at him for a bit. Hongbin noticed his ears turned a little red, but he didn't speak a word and just followed Hakyeon and Hyuk out together with their manager. Hongbin felt relieved that he didn't stay. He was hoping he would not have to talk about what they did inside the restroom.

 

 There were a million other thoughts in Hongbins's head and he wanted to shut each of them down so he decided to just wear himself out with practice. He also didn't want to go home to see Hakyeon prepare for a date with Minhyuk.  _Fuck_. He mentally cursed himself for even calling it a date.  _They're just hanging out. They're just friends._

 

Hongbin liked Minhyuk. But Hongbin decided he didn't like Hakyeon's closeness with Minhyuk at all. It was childish. Maybe Hakyeon was right when he called him a kid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter is a bit longer and a tiny bit NSFW but again, NO actual smut. Also I'm gonna be shameless and say follow me on twitter (@hakyona630/loveseek630 for vixx fanarts) lol
> 
> Let me know what you think on how this is going! ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's be business partners.

 

 

 

"We need to talk." Taekwoon finally confronted Hongbin two days after the rehearsal incident. 

 

Hongbin woke up late that day because he had no schedule and he stayed up until 3am playing Overwatch. Taekwoon was just about to leave the dorm when he saw Hongbin walking like a zombie towards the kitchen.

 

"Uhh, hyung. Good... morning?" Hongbin greeted awkwardly. In his defense, he just woke up and was still half-groggy. 

 

"It's half-past noon."

 

"Oh yeah." Hongbin scratched his head. And then looked around the counter for whatever food the others left for him.

 

"There's sausage and omelette on the table. That was meant for breakfast. No one cooked for lunch, but there are sides inside the fridge."

 

"Hmmm.. Thanks. These will do." Hongbin settled on the dining table without making eye contact with Taekwoon. He had been dreading this conversation. Unfortunately for him, Taekwoon had no intentions of leaving without talking to him first.

 

"You know, for someone who shamelessly volunteered to "help", you sure are doing a good job of avoiding me these days." Taekwoon sat across Hongbin.

 

Hongbin still wouldn't look at him, but he furrowed his brows and cringed his face before picking up his chopsticks. "I'm not avoiding you. We've been busy. And when I get home, I just want to stay in my room and relax. Don't think too much about it." It was half a lie. Hongbin did have schedules the day before, and he did not exactly go out of his way to avoid Taekwoon but he did pray hard to not see Taekwoon whenever he stepped out of his room.

 

"Your ears are red."

 

Hongbin didn't want to snap. But he finally looked back at Taekwoon before rolling his eyes. "So are yours. Hyung, can we just... not talk about this?"

 

Taekwoon shrunk in his seat. He pulled up his legs and hugged his knees, as he usually does when he wants to hide his face behind his long noodly limbs. He was flustered.

 

Hongbin looked away again as he continued eating. "I'm sorry," he said calmly. "I... I don't know what I was thinking. I was frustrated and I wasn't thinking straight. I don't want to be awkward with you. I'm sorry I did that."

 

"It's not that." Taekwoon raised his head slightly, but his voice was still muffled. "It's not like I couldn't have refused or stopped you. If anything, I blame Hakyeonnie for all of this."

 

Hongbin chuckled. "Yeah. Damn, Cha Hakyeon."

 

Taekwoon sighed. "It gets weird sometimes, when I have to face both you and Hakyeonnie at the same time. But I just need to establish that we're okay with each other. I don't want to avoid you or be awkward with you either."

 

"Yeah." Hongbin smiled and looked at Taekwoon again. "We're okay. Just forget it. We're good."

 

"Okay." Taekwoon smiled back. "Although if we end it like this, I kinda feel like I owe you something. So if you need anything let know. I'll try to do what I can."

 

Hongbin choked on his food.

 

Taekwoon half laughed and half frowned at him while he handed him water. "I didn't mean nasty stuff like that. I really meant anything. Like cook for you or buy you stuff. I feel the need to pay you back."

 

Hongbin managed to swallow his food somehow and laughed at himself. "You surprised me, I thought you meant..."

 

"Well, if you need an extra hand for that as well, I don't mind." 

 

Now Taekwoon was just teasing and even though his ears were turning red again, he seemed like he enjoyed tormenting Hongbin with the thought.

 

"Hyung!" Hongbin has turned full red on the face. "I'm trying to eat here!"

 

"What? It's an earnest offer. Think of it as some kind of business deal between us."

 

"You're not telling me we're just gonna be business partners now, are you?"

 

"No," Taekwoon chuckled. "But seriously, if you need anything, let me know."

 

"Thanks, but there's no need for that. It's not like I actually helped you. We were both late for practice in the end."

 

"Well, that's true." Taekwoon shrugged. "Maybe I wouldn't have been late if you just left me alone."

 

"..." Hongbin knew it was a mistake from the very start. Maybe Taekwoon's boner could have gone away had he not insisted to stay and touch him. "Sorry."

 

Taekwoon stared at him.

 

"It's fine. It wasn't that bad."

 

"Let's just forget about it. It was just a one-time thing."

 

"Yeah." Taekwoon stayed for a while to talk about other trivial things. And it was surprisingly comfortable between them. The initial awkwardness was gone and they were back to normal.

 

Except, it didn't stop as a one-time thing. Hongbin should have known, really. He opened a pandora's box and he didn't know how to close it again. Not with Cha Hakyeon continuously being sexually frustrating.

 

Hakyeon came home the following night to Hongbin, Taekwoon, and Sanghyuk watching TV in the living room. He flopped himself on the couch and rested his head on Hongbin's lap.

 

"I'm tired," Hakyeon whined. He yawned and shut his eyes for a bit.

 

Hongbin turned his head towards Taekwoon by instinct. Sanghyuk was sitting between them but he could tell Taekwoon was thinking the same thing as him. Hakyeon was wearing a sleeveless shirt and a nice fitting sweatpants, exposing his toned arms and emphasizing the shape of his ass.

 

"Did you hit the gym?" Taekwoon asked. 

 

"No. I came from filming. It's pretty hectic, I haven't been able to exercise at all."

 

"What kind of scenes are you filming? You look like shit," Sanghyuk said. Hakyeon reached out to slap his leg, but the same hand returned to rest on Hongbin's thigh.

 

It was a pretty normal scenario in their dorm, Hakyeon randomly choosing a member to cuddle or touch when he's tired. Hongbin was used to it, really. He liked it whenever Hakyeon used him to "recharge" his energy after a long day's work. Hongbin wasn't that sensitive to skinship and he never really had trouble with Hakyeon being touchy. He (not so) secretly loved it. Except that this time, he couldn't help but notice Hakyeon's arms. It didn't help that Hakyeon was nonchalantly rubbing and squeezing his thigh too. 

 

"..." Hongbin wasn't sure if he was even still breathing. "You lost weight again. Your arms got bigger though."

 

"I did work out some weeks ago, and then we got busy, I haven't been able to go to the gym since we had a comeback. But my arms have always been like this. It's just that I wear baggy clothes and long sleeves so you never noticed. How do you think I won that palm pushing game?"

 

_Incorrect,_ Hongbin thought. He has noticed before how nice Hakyeon's arms looked. And he knew how strong Hakyeon really was. But for some reason, Hongbin couldn't stop staring at those arms now that Hakyeon was resting against him.

 

"Uh, by cheating?" Hongbin joked.

 

Hakyeon hit his thigh lightly. "Yah, no matter how many times you watch that episode, I won with my strength!"

 

It wasn't that he was aroused. He wouldn't let simple innocent touches do that to him. But his brain was dangerously flooded with stupid thoughts. And he wanted it to stop. "Yeah, whatever, hyung. Get off me and take a shower."

 

Hakyeon, being Hakyeon, snuggled closer to Hongbin instead of getting off. "I'm working hard for us all and you won't even let me rest like this." 

 

Hongbin wasn't sure if Taekwoon was getting jealous again or if his face showed some panic as he felt Hakyeon's head closer to his crotch, but Taekwoon suddenly commented, "Yeah, go shower. You stink." 

 

Sanghyuk just laughed.

 

Hakyeon pouted, but he sat up and growled. He caught Hongbin's eyes for a moment and for some reason, Hongbin felt like he was genuinely hurt.

 

"Go take a shower. We'll prepare something for you to eat after," Hongbin tried to backpedal. It was enough to put the smile back on Hakyeon's face, but he dismissed the offer.

 

"It's fine. I already had dinner. I'll go shower and rest." he patted Hongbin's head before standing up. He also brushed his hand slightly against Sanghyuk's and Taekwoon's heads as he passed by them on his way to his room.

 

Sanghyuk giggled to himself.

 

"What?" Hongbin asked.

 

"Nothing. You guys are just funny." He slammed his gigantic hands on both of their thighs as he stood up. "I'm gonna go ahead and leave you guys to deal with your little love triangle."

 

Hongbin and Taekwoon just stared at him as he left. And then they looked at each other.

 

"Dammit."

 

"We're really that obvious, huh?" Taekwoon slumped back against the couch.

 

"I really don't want to think that way." Hongbin grumbled. He was still in denial. He refused to accept that he was /that/ obvious.

 

Just then, Hakyeon re-emerged from his room with his towel and skincare basket. He stopped midway to the bathroom and faced the other two at the living room.

 

"Where's Hyogi?"

 

"Went to his room."

 

"Oh." He was silent for a while. He turned to continue his way to the bathroom but then he turned back. "It's quite late, aren't you guys going to sleep yet?"

 

"I'm not sleepy yet." Taekwoon reached for the remote control and flipped through the channels.

 

Hakyeon seemed like he was hesitating whether to go already or say something else.

 

"I'm... Gonna go play for bit before I sleep," Hongbin said as he stood up. He was suddenly feeling awkward with just the three of them talking.

 

"Okay. Don't stay up too late and have a good rest." Hakyeon finally continued to walk. He yawned and stretched just before he entered the bathroom, which called Hongbin's attention back to his arms and neck.

 

Hongbin unconsciously swallowed, gaze lingering a bit too long at the bathroom door.

 

"My offer still stands."

 

Hongbin turned to look at Taekwoon again.

 

"The business deal."

 

"Hyung, no." Hongbin instinctively replied. "I really don't think that's a good idea." He laughed awkwardly to pass it off as a joke. He went back to his room and played games as planned.

 

It worked as a good distraction until he was sleepy enough to go to bed. He dozed off as soon as he lay on his matress. But whatever thoughts he buried at the back of his head while he was awake came back to him in his sleep.

 

Hakyeon's arms holding him, wrapping around his tiny waist. Hands touching him on his most sensitive body parts. He imagined the rubbing on his thigh to be more sensual than how Hakyeon actually did it earlier that night. The slight squeeze he occasionally gave and the light slap he did when Hongbin teased him. Hongbin couldn't help but thirst for that touch. 

 

He woke up with beads if sweat on his forehead and a throbbing erection.

 

He sighed. Mentally cursing himself for having these thoughts about Hakyeon.

 

"Lee Hongbin, you're disgusting," he muttered to himself. But for some reason, he thought of Taekwoon and his "business deal".

 

It was 4am and Taekwoon was probably already sleeping. But Hongbin took his phone and sent out a text to check if Taekwon could still be awake.

 

"Hyung, are you sleeping?"

 

It took a while before Taekwoon answered. Hongbin was about to change his mind and just jerk himself off in the bathroom but his phone suddenly glowed with the notification.

 

"I was sleeping, but my phone vibrated and I'm awake now."

 

"Sorry," was all Hongbin could reply to that.

 

"What's up?"

 

"About paying me back..."

 

"Ahhh... Your dick. That's what's up."

 

Hongbin rolled his eyes. Taekwoon could get annoying sometimes. "Forget it."

 

"Do you want to come over or should I go there instead?"

 

Hongbin took a deep breath. He couldn't believe Taekwoon was really serious about it. What's more, he couldn't believe that he was suddenly willing to take up the offer.

 

_Dammit, Cha Hakyeon._

 

"Here," he replied.

 

And so, Taekwoon came over to his room minutes later. He didn't knock, but he called Hongbin's name softly as he opened the door.

 

Hongbin just sat awkwardly on his bed. It wasn't the first time he hooked up with someone just to relieve stress. But it was his first time doing it in his dorm room, with another member, no less.

 

Thankfully, Taekwoon was cautious enough. Locking the door and walking quietly towards the bed. Grasping in the dark and experimenting how to make Hongbin feel better, observing Hongbin's reactions to each of his touches.

 

Hongbin's thoughts were spinning inside his head. He felt pleased and disgusted at the same time because he was thinking of Hakyeon while Taekwoon was jerking him off. And it didn't just end as a handjob as he thought it would. At some point, Hongbin grabbed onto Taekwoon's pants and pulled him close, realizing he was hard as well. What was supposed to be Taekwoon just returning a favor somehow became a full-blown hook-up session, with their clothes disregarded to the side and their hands all over each other while Taekwoon sucked a hickey onto a spot near Hongbin's shoulder blade.

 

They didn't kiss though. In Hongbin's head, it was all just a release of pent up sexual frustrations caused by one person they both loved.

 

"Fuck." Hongbin grunted as they lay side by side on his bed.

 

"If you actually wanted to get fucked, you could have told me earlier, I would have brought protection." Taekwoon teased, although Hongbin could swear he was pretty embarrassed by his own comment.

 

"This is crazy, hyung." It was starting to sink in to Hongbin. He was really fooling around with his hyung. His member. His rival.

 

"Do you ever wonder if he does it on purpose sometimes?" Taekwoon suddenly asked. They were both staring blankly at the ceiling now, pantings subsided as they slowly regained coherence and energy.

 

"Does what?"

 

"Teasing us. Getting us all riled up over him like this."

 

"Doing it on purpose would mean he knows how we feel, so no. I don't want to think that he does." Without getting up, Hongbin blindly reached for the tissue holder on his bedside table and tossed it to Taekwoon so they could clean themselves up.

 

Taekwoon turned his head to look at him. "You seriously believe he doesn't know anything at all?"

 

Hongbin was stunned. The tone of Taekwoon's voice sounded slightly insulting to him.

 

"If he knew all along, why wouldn't he say anything about it?"

 

Taekwoon sat up while wiping himself clean, keeping his broad back on Hongbin's view. "The same reason neither of us ever confessed. And probably more. Knowing Hakyeonnie, he's probably also taking into account the burden of being a leader and he'd want to keep our group dynamics as it is right now."

 

Hongbin felt his chest tighten. Taekwoon sounded really convincing. If Hongbin was honest, he has considered the possibility quite a few times in the past. There was no way they could live with each other for more than six years and not even get a hint of it. But Hongbin didn't want to accept it. 

 

Hongbin had no plans of confessing first and foremost because he was afraid that Hakyeon didn't feel the same way towards him. He has accepted that they will never be together, but the finality of Hakyeon's rejection scared him. Discovering Taekwoon's feelings came in second. VIXX is a rare case of all group members really getting along well with each other. Whether Hakyeon loved him back or not, he didn't want anyone to get hurt and cause any conflicts within the group.

 

If Hakyeon didn't know, Hongbin would be content just pining for him, staying beside him for as long as he could. But if Hakyeon knew and chose to disregard his feelings, Hongbin would be hurt. It would feel as if he had been rejected without confessing. It's not like it would be Hakyeon's fault, but Hongbin wouldn't be able to keep his pride and hold his head up whenever he faced Hakyeon.

 

"I don't wanna think about it."

 

Taekwoon sighed. "Whatever suits you." He picked up his clothes and started dressing up. "We wouldn't really know for sure unless we ask him. I assume you have no plans of doing that too."

 

"... Yeah," Hongbin answered weakly.

 

Taekwoon turned to look at him, but he didn't say anything. He just sighed again before turning around to leave the room. He gave a little wave of hand without even facing Hongbin but neither of them really said goodbye. 

 

Hongbin wondered what it meant for the three of them now. He wasn't really sure if Taekwoon's "business deal" ended after paying him back, especially since Hongbin wasn't just on the receiving end, he also didn't hold back on touching Taekwoon again.

 

It felt so wrong to Hongbin. Part of him felt dirty, fantasizing about his beloved Hakyeon while doing nasty business with another person. But at the back of his head, Hongbin knew that he'd be willing to do it again with Taekwoon if they ever felt the need for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to finish it as soon as I can but there's just so much happening in my head that the chapters keep piling up.
> 
> Anyway, thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you just want to do it.

In between their individual schedules and concert rehearsal, Hongbin found himself spending more time with Taekwoon and less with Hakyeon. More accurately, he noticed Taekwoon was often sticking to his side, and Hakyeon was avoiding them.

 

 

Hongbin felt uncomfortable. It wasn't like Hakyeon was completely ignoring them. He was still acting friendly and he still smiled warmly at Hongbin. But he wouldn't open casual conversations with them. He wouldn't sit with them, or cuddle with them when they're resting. Whenever they're at the dorm, Hakyeon would just stay inside his room. It's been more than two weeks since that night Hakyeon last sat next to him and he ended up busting nuts with Taekwoon. It was probably for the best that he and Taekwoon have been within safe distance to avoid further "troubles". Hongbin also took extra caution not to watch Hakyeon during dance practice. Even for their usual dance routines, Hongbin just focused and monitored himself on the mirror instead of looking over to Hakyeon.

 

But he missed Hakyeon. Despite seeing him everyday, he missed Hakyeon terribly.

 

"Taekwoon, your knees are too stiff," Hakyeon commented one time Taekwoon was practicing his solo dance for Circle again. They were almost done for the day, and Taekwoon decided to put his solo practice last so as not to cause delay for the other members and staff. There was significant improvement from the first time he tried the choreography, but it still wasn't good enough for him, nor for Hakyeon.

 

"You look like a grandpa when you roll your hips like that."

 

Hongbin's head snapped towards Hakyeon's direction. He wasn't the only one. Jaehwan and Hyuk were also staring at Hakyeon, surprised at the straightforwardness of his comment.

 

"Sorry," Taekwoon mumbled, unable to look up from the floor. He took a deep breath and had the remixed music restarted.

 

Hakyeon must have realized his mistake, because he quietly talked to the rest of the staff and production so that those who were done with their work could go home already. Only Taekwoon's backup dancers, the dance instructor, and the members were left in the practice room. He toned down his criticisms but he didn't sugarcoat his words either.

 

After some time, Hakyeon let everyone else go home too so that only he would be left to help Taekwoon.

 

"I'll stay," Hongbin said, wanting to stay with Hakyeon just for a bit longer as well as to support Taekwoon.

 

"Go home," Hakyeon replied firmly. "You have a drama audition tomorrow. You should rest and prepare yourself."

 

Hongbin wanted to insist on staying but Hakyeon didn't even wait for his response before turning back to Taekwoon. Hongbin felt a little disheartened, although touched that Hakyeon remembered his audition.

 

Having no choice but to comply, Hongbin left the room with the other members.

 

"Wait for me in the car, I'm just gonna drop by the restroom."

 

"Okay~" Jaehwan chirped at him. "Don't get stuck in there again."

 

Hongbin rolled his eyes but smiled at the joke. He was just gonna take a quick piss and go home with the others (Or at least with Ken and Hyuk, since Ravi was off to his studio again). No reason to get stuck now since both Taekwoon and Hakyeon were left in the practice room.

 

Hongbin did not expect, however, to get stuck somewhere else. He was on his way down to the lobby when he heard two back-up dancers talking by the vending machine near the restroom.

 

"It's more like Cha Hakyeon is running the whole show," One of them said.

 

Hongbin had to make a turn and pass by them to get to either the elevator or the stairs, but hearing Hakyeon's name stopped him on his tracks. He leaned against the wall and stayed hidden.

 

"Well, the guy makes awesome stages. It's no surprise."

 

Hongbin smiled, feeling proud. But then the other person commented, "He's a hit or miss if you ask me. He could make a performance either really amazing or really lame."

 

Hongbin frowned. He knew not every single performance they had was a hit, but he never considered any of them lame. He was proud of each if them. Well, except for the jjajjang lips stage, and that was not Hakyeon's fault.

 

"And he gets overbearing sometimes. Did he buy company stocks? He acts like he's a board director or something."

 

"I heard they considered it, but I don't think they have actually bought stocks yet. He's just really crazy strict. I mean small slip-ups happen sometimes. He doesn't need to be such a perfectionist. Sure, he's good, but it's not like he never made a mistake either. "

 

Now Hongbin was getting annoyed. They weren't exactly saying bad things, but he didn't like the way they talked.

 

"I feel sorry for his members being in the same group as him." Someone was snickering and it was getting into Hongbin's nerves. "They're all friends and he's only better than them in dancing but he gets to boss them around. He's average on everything else . Singing, acting, even on visuals..."

 

Hongbin clenched his fists. He was about to show up and talk back to them but he felt a hand on his shoulder. Hakyeon was there, shaking his head and holding him back.

 

"Well, they're not much different from each other. They're idols. Some excel in singing, some in dancing, but they don't have it all in them. Look, they need all the luck they can get just to land acting roles."

 

"Ahh, you mean Lee Hongbin's audition thing?"

 

Before any of them could say another word, Hakyeon swiftly moved past Hongbin and showed himself to the two dancers.

 

"I didn't know you guys were still here," Hakyeon said with a smile. Hongbin took a step from the corner but didn't follow Hakyeon all the way to the vending machine where he got himself an energy drink.

 

"Uh, yeah, we were just getting a drink before going home," one awkwardly answered. 

 

"I greatly appreciate your feedback, but I'd prefer it if you said them directly to me and not behind my back," Hakyeon said politely but firmly, the smile still plastered on his face. 

 

"Sorry." The guys visibly stiffened, realizing Hakyeon heard their conversation. One of them was older than him, but was still obviously shook by his demeanor, especially the moment Hakyeon's smile disappeared. Even Hongbin felt chills as he said, "And you can say anything about me, but please be careful with what you say about my members." 

 

Hakyeon tapped both of their shoulders before walking towards the elevator. He pressed the down button, and then looked back at Hongbin.

 

"Aren't you coming?"

 

Hongbin ran past the dancers, who were in awkward silence. The elevator arrived just as he reached Hakyeon, so they both got in. Hakyeon waved goodbye to the two guys before the doors closed.

 

"Hyung..."

 

"Don't get involved in conversations like that."

 

Hongbin was really at a loss on what to say. He was feeling so many things at once. He was upset that their crew didn't talk nicely about Hakyeon. He was in awe of how Hakyeon handled the situation.  But he was also frustrated because he knew they were going to say something about his acting, and that Hakyeon only stepped in to protect his feelings. He had always been insecure about his status and skills as an idol. Hearing their own crew talk about them that way didn't help his confidence at all.

 

_They're idols. Some excel in singing, some in dancing, but they don't have it all in them._

What did Hongbin have in him?

 

Hakyeon placed a hand on Hongbin's lower back and ushered him out of the elevator. He didn't even realized they have reached the lobby.

 

"Hyung, where are you going? What about Taekwoon-hyung?"

 

"We're taking a break so I'm escorting you out."

 

Hongbin was confused.

 

Hakyeon smiled at him. Different from the way he smiled at their dancers. This smile was warm and genuine. "I was really just going to get a drink, but then I saw you eavesdropping on them."

 

"I didn't mean to. I just..."

 

Hakyeon patted his shoulder gently. Hongbin felt like it's been forever since Hakyeon touched him like that. "Thank you."

 

"For what?"

 

"For getting angry and being ready to stand for me." Hakyeon was teary-eyed. Hongbin understood he was touched but at the same time, he felt the pain Hakyeon was hiding underneath his smile. "But don't get into fights on my behalf. No wait, don't get into any fight at all, not for any reason."

 

"Hyung..."

 

"Hmmm?"

 

"Can I hug you?"

 

Hakyeon hesitated, but for the first time in two weeks, he opened his arms to hug Hongbin tightly, his face buried onto the crook of Hongbin's neck.

 

"Don't think about anything." Hakyeon said as he patted Hongbin's back. "You're one of the most talented idols I've met. Don't worry about anything and just do your best, okay?"

 

Hongbin just hummed. He didn't believe it 100% but he wouldn't let Hakyeon down. He has always done his best to prove that he wasn't just a pretty face. Hell, he didn't even think he was pretty. Hakyeon was pretty, not him.

 

"Lee Hongbin, look at me." Hakyeon commanded when they parted. He cupped Hongbin's face in his hands and made sure they were seeing each other eye-to-eye. "You're beautiful and wonderful, okay? You're doing great. And you just keep getting better. I won't wish you good luck tomorrow because I know you don't need it. You're going to nail that audition."

 

Hongbin smiled. Not just because Hakyeon was telling him flattering things, but because he felt all warm and fuzzy at how Hakyeon just knew he needed support that moment. Even without saying it out loud, Hakyeon knew of his insecurities;  knew when and how to comfort him. Hongbin wished he could do the same for Hakyeon.

 

"Thanks, hyung."

 

_**I love you.** _

 

Hongbin was suddenly so tempted to say it. And he was so, so close to doing it, but then both Taekwoon and Jaehwan appeared at the lobby looking for them.

 

"I told you not to get stuck. What happened to you?" Ken asked when they reached the car.

 

Hongbin told them a little of what happened but he didn't go into the details of what the dancers said, or of how Hakyeon comforted his insecure ass.

 

"That's sad," Ken pouted. "I thought they were nice."

 

"They are," Hongbin replied. "But I guess we can't expect everyone to be impressed with what we do."

 

Jaehwan shrugged and then smiled. "Yeah. Let's just keep doing our best, right?"

 

Hongbin smiled back. He didn't need any more luck in his life. He was already too fortunate having his members with him.

 

-=o0o=-

 

Hongbin was already sleeping when he felt long limbs wrap around his waist that night. He rubbed one eye and squinted in the dark.

 

"Taekwoon-hyung? What are you-"

 

"Sorry," Taekwoon whispered. "I know you have an audition tomorrow. Sorry to wake you up."

 

Hongbin turned to fully face him, but Taekwoon ducked his face low under Hongbin's chin.

 

"Are you okay? Did practicing with Hakyeon-hyung turn you on again?"

 

"No. I'm not here for that."

 

"Okay. What happened?"

 

"Nothing really," Taekwoon's voice was barely audible, especially since it was muffled onto Hongbin's chest. "I'm sorry."

 

"Hyung, I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened."

 

Taekwoon sighed. "I just feel bad about myself. That's all. Just give me five more minutes."

 

Hongbin didn't really understand what was happening but he felt sorry for Taekwoon. He placed a hand on Taekwoon's shoulder and started patting him. "It's okay. You can stay sleep here if you want. You know I don't have AC though, so it's a little hot."

 

"It's fine. Just a few more minutes."

 

"Okay."

 

"I'm sorry," Taekwoon hugged him tighter. 

 

Hongbin felt something wet on his chest. Taekwoon was crying. And he didn't know what to do. He wasn't the best person to go to for comfort. He wished he had Hakyeon's compassion and words at times like this. He wanted to ask why he kept saying sorry. He was really worried and curious why he was crying in the first place, but Hongbin figured the only thing he could do for Taekwoon was to let him cry in peace. So he just kept patting his shoulder until Taekwoon calmed down.

 

With one deep breath, Taekwoon pulled away from Hongbin and wiped his face.

 

Hongbin wasn't sure how much time has passed but it didn't really matter to him.

 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. You should rest."

 

"It's okay, hyung. It's you that I'm worried about."

 

"I'm fine," Taekwoon huffed as he wiped his face again, making sure there were no tear stains left. "Things just got really hard today."

 

"Is it the solo? Was Hakyeon-hyung too harsh on you? I was gonna ask if you guys had a fight."

 

"No. He's..." Taekwoon swallowed back a sob. "He's more patient with me than I expected him to be. It's worse because he's too kind to me when he really should be angry."

 

"He wouldn't get angry with you over something so trivial. He's been letting you steal his food all these years!" Hongbin wasn't really sure what point he was trying to make. He really sucked at comforting people.

 

"It's not just food that I've stolen."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Taekwoon sighed again. "The coupons. I meant the coupons."

 

"Oh... Well, he got slightly angry about the coupons, but he still doesn't know that it was you who took it."

 

Taekwoon forced a laugh and then took another deep breath. "Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I disturbed you when you have a big event tomorrow."

 

"It's just an audition, hyung. It's no big deal."

 

"I know it is, for you. You've been working hard on your dramas." Taekwoon stood and patted Hongbin's head. "Thanks for tonight. Sleep well."

 

And then he left.

 

Hongbin found it a little funny that he and Taekwoon were getting closer over their feelings for Hakyeon. Normally, two people in love with the same person gets bad blood between them, but Hongbin and Taekwoon had been really friendly that they have comforted each other and even relieved their sexual frustrations together.

 

But then Hongbin remembered that he almost confessed to Hakyeon on impulse. He wondered how it could have changed their dynamics had he been able to tell Hakyeon how he felt.

 

Hongbin shuddered. There were so many possible outcomes that he didn't want to bother himself with, and yet he couldn't help but think about them. After all those years that he kept it inside him, he had started to wonder what it would be like if he confessed. What if Hakyeon rejected him? What if Hakyeon was in love with Taekwoon? Or with Minhyuk? What if they were all wrong and Hakyeon was straight after all? What if if Hakyeon was actually in a secret relationship with someone else? But what if Hakyeon was also in love with him? What if there was a chance for them to actually be together?

 

There were so many what-ifs that bothered Hongbin. He knew he needed to go back to sleep but his mind got more and more restless. And he wanted it to stop. He wanted to just stop thinking. He needed to get it out of his system. And he knew he needed to do it soon.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading~  
> Also I'm still torn about this. Haha Please let me know how you want this to end. I might hear your requests...
> 
> While you're all here, please check out #GoodSummerDayVIXX on twitter for Summer VIXX fanarts~ ^__^


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get... dramatic...

Hongbin found Taekwoon planting his face on the dining table late at night after the first of their two-day concert.

 

 

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"Burying my face and wishing I'll disappear forever?"

 

"What?" Hongbin chuckled. "Did all the smoke during your stage make you go crazy?"

 

Taekwoon covered his whole head with his arms. "Don't remind me," he whined.

 

"Are you beating yourself up over that?" Hongbin found it both funny and endearing. "Hyung, that solo dance was just a little over a minute in a three-hour concert, and you're beating yourself over it?"

 

Peeking at Hongbin through the gap in his arms, Taekwoon's face was visibly red. "I watched the videos. It looked funny."

 

"It's not," Hongbin proceeded to the fridge to do what he originally intended to do which was to get some water to drink. He then sat beside Taekwoon and started patting his back. He sure has been comforting Taekwoon a lot the past few weeks. "You did well, hyung. Didn't you hear the fans screaming for you?"

 

Taekwoon hid his whole face against the table again, arms covering the sides of his face. "That's exactly what Hakyeon said too." Hongbin thought he sounded like he was about to cry but it could have been because his voice was muffled with the way he has hiding his face.

 

"Well, because it's true. We could hear them scream so loud when you danced. They basically freaked out over it."

 

"They'd scream whatever we do. Doesn't mean I did it properly."

 

Hongbin leaned back on his seat. He took Taekwoon's phone which was lying on the table and easily found fan taken videos in his search history.

 

Taekwoon shot up when he heard the music playing. He tried to grab his phone back but Hongbin slapped his hands away.

 

"Don't watch it!"

 

"Shut up and stay still."

 

Of course Taekwoon wouldn't listen. He was too embarrassed to let Hongbin see his performance, even though he's seen it before during rehearsals. So he kept on grabbing until Hongbin stood up to avoid him. He had the advantage of having linger limbs, so no matter how much Hongbin stretched his arm away from Taekwoon, it was easy to reach.

 

Except that the chase got them in a compromising position as Hongbin ended up leaning against the kitchen counter with Taekwoon towering over him.

 

**_What a cringy cliche drama scene,_**  Hongbin thought. The way Taekwoon looked at him intensely while Circle playing on his phone was not helping either.

 

"I'll just watch it and tell you honestly what I think about it." Hongbin said as he turned in his place to pull Taekwoon's phone back, hoping to disperse the awkward atmosphere. "I'm not Hakyeon-hyung. I can't give you technical criticisms but I can tell you whether it looked good or not."

 

Taekwoon took a single step back but didn't really give Hongbin much space until Hakyeon suddenly appeared from his room. Taekwoon almost tumbled as he backed away, so Hongbin tried to save him by grabbing a hand, but that failed and Taekwoon just slammed his back against a wall.

 

**_How much can this get any more cliche?_** Hongbin was mentally facepalming.

 

"Jung Taekwoon, are you okay?" Hakyeon walked towards them but stopped midway when he saw Taekwoon already got back to his feet.

 

"Yeah. I just kinda slipped."

 

 

"Are you heading out?" Hongbin asked, noticing Hakyeon was dressed up.

 

"Uhh..." Hakyeon was looking at anywhere but them. "I'm gonna go meet Minhyuk."

 

Hongbin was thankful it was a little dark in the kitchen. Hakyeon could not have seen the way he furrowed his brows.

 

"It's late. Can't it wait until tomorrow? You must be tired from today's concert and we still have -" Taekwoon took a few steps towards Hakyeon but paused when Hakyeon took a step back.

 

Hongbin felt the tension, but he was clueless on what was happening.

 

"It's fine. I'll just be out for a bit. I'll be back before you know it. It's the same for you guys. You should go and sleep soon. Don't stay up so late."

 

Hakyeon turned around and left without another word. Hongbin walked up to Taekwoon to ask if he was okay. Taekwoon just nodded.

 

"I've asked you this before, but are you sure you didn't fight with him?"

 

"Yeah. We're okay," Taekwoon answered quietly.

 

"I feel like it's been pretty tensed between you guys recently. What happened?"

 

"He caught me," Taekwoon sighed.

 

"Caught you? What do you mean?"

 

"About the coupons." 

 

"What? That's it?" Hongbin wasn't really buying it. Hakyeon may be petty sometimes but he wouldn't act that distant towards Taekwoon just because of chicken coupons.

 

Taekwoon suddenly faced him. "Are you okay with him going out with Minhyuk this late?"

 

Hongbin looked away. Jaw tensing just thinking of what important thing Hakyeon could be doing with Minhyuk that he couldn't wait until they're done with the concert.

 

"That's a no, then."

 

Hongbin didn't want to talk about it. He didn't like the idea that he was having unpleasant feelings towards Minhyuk. "He's right. We should go to sleep," He started to walk away from the kitchen.

 

"Hey, you still have my phone."

 

"Aahh, right." The music has long stopped playing. Hongbin pressed the button to unlock the phone and replay the video he was supposed to watch. Taekwoon stayed by the kitchen counter, burying his face under his arms again while Hongbin walked back towards him, though he stayed on the other side of the counter so he'd be facing Taekwoon while watching the video.

 

"Wow, the smoke was really too much. You should get your lungs checked just to be safe."

 

Taekwoon just groaned. Hongbin chuckled.

 

"It's fine, hyung."

 

Taekwoon peeked at him.

 

"It was a good stage. Your foot went over at this one part, but other than that it was fine. Fans are probably cursing the smoke machine now because they couldn't see the highlight of your dance."

 

"I'm glad they couldn't, to be honest."

 

Hongbin laughed. "I don't understand why you're so obssessed with this stage. You've danced other sexy songs before. My Valentine is just as sensual and you weren't so conscious about it."

 

"Hakyeonnie made it look so good."

 

Hongbin placed the phone down on the counter and frowned at Taekwoon. "If you're comparing yourself with Hakyeon-hyung, you won't get anywhere."

 

Taekwoon has unburied his face but he was still bending over the counter and leaning his head on his hand. "I know I'm nowhere as good as him."

 

"Maybe you get more stiff with this dance because you keep thinking of how he did it. I mean, let's forget for a while that he turned us on with it. We know his skills are above us and we need to work harder in dancing, but it's not about the level of our skill. It's more like none of us can move like him. Ravi-hyung and Hyukkie are just as great dancers, but they can't move like Hakyeon-hyung because his style is different. He's just... Graceful... And I don't know, he's just Cha Hakyeon. He's..."

 

"Perfect?" Taekwoon interjected.

 

Hongbin thought for a bit. "Well, he isn't perfect. But he's..."

 

"Beautiful."

 

Hongbin wouldn't argue with that.

 

"And frustratingly hot." Taekwoon sighed again.

 

"It's not like you're not beautiful and hot too." It slipped from Hongbin's lips before he realized it.

 

Taekwoon straightened up and looked at Hongbin.

 

Well, that lifted his mood up.

 

"Thanks," Taekwoon smiled. "Tho I guess we can agree to take the "frustrating" part out."

 

"Yeah..."

 

They just stared at each other for a while. Taekwoon didn't really say anything else, but Hongbin started feeling awkward.

 

"We're... Not gonna end up doing something nasty again, are we?" He asked nervously.

 

"No," Taekwoon supressed a chuckle. "Not unless you want to."

 

"No, thanks," Hongbin immediately replied, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.

 

"Yeah, we should go to sleep."

 

"Yeah..."

 

"..."

 

The awkward silence stretched out for another while because neither of them moved a muscle. There were still some things that bothered Hongbin.

 

"Hyung," Hongbin finally said. "What if we both confessed?"

 

"W-what?"

 

"Both of us. Let's confess to him. And promise to be okay with whomever he chooses. Maybe he won't even choose either of us. But just... Let's just get it over with."

 

"Why are you suddenly saying that? I thought you didn't want to confess?"

 

"I didn't. But... I don't know. It just came to me the other day. I just thought... Maybe it will be okay to tell him?"

 

"No." Taekwoon suddenly sounded angry. "Don't. Just don't."

 

"So we're just gonna stay like this? For how long?"

 

"Until we both get over him." Taekwoon then walked out of the kitchen. It saddened Hongbin, hearing Taekwoon's conviction in his reply.

 

"I'm not gonna get over him. Ever."

 

Taekwoon stopped on his tracks. He looked back at Hongbin and asked, "Even if he rejects you? Would you keep loving him one-sidedly even after he tells you he doesn't feel the same for you?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What if he chooses me? Do you think I'll be comfortable being with him and knowing that you're still pining after him? Helplessly in love and even jerking off while thinking of him? Do you think you could look me in the eyes while I'm dating him?"

 

"..." Hongbin could feel hot tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. He knew it wasn't his best idea. He wasn't really sure why he even suggested it when he had always been afraid of Hakyeon rejecting him.

 

"Sorry," Taekwoon huffed and massaged his temples. "I didn't mean to sound like an asshole. I'm..."

 

"No, you're right. Sorry." Hongbin tilted his head back willing the tears to go back. "Ahh, that was stupid. I'm so sorry. Forget I said anything."

 

One deep breath and Hongbin found his composure again. He forced a smile and said goodnight to Taekwoon. "Let's go to sleep. We still have a concert tomorrow."

 

He kept the smile on his face until he reached his room. But his face fell the moment he closed his door.

 

"You're not gonna cry, Lee Hongbin," He told himself. "Just go to sleep."

 

Nothing Taekwoon said was new knowledge to him. Hongbin had always known and he had accepted the complexity of their situation long ago. He didn't know what suddenly changed him. He just knew that he didn't want to let Hakyeon go without even trying to tell him how he felt. He just wished it wasn't so complicated. For the first time since he found out, Hongbin wished Taekwoon didn't fall for Hakyeon too.

 

-=-o0o=-

 

"Taekwoonnie~"

 

 

 

Hongbin watched Taekwoon turn around, only to be tackle hugged by Hakyeon. Hongbin clenched his teeth. It's been a while since Hakyeon showed such warm affection for Taekwoon that he wasn't used to the sight anymore.

 

The group just came home after the last day of their concert. Hakyeon had some things to discuss with their manager so he was last to come in to the dorm, and the moment he entered, he went straight to Taekwoon.

 

"You did well, Jung Taekwoon. You did well."

 

Although obviously flustered, Taekwoon awkwardly wrapped one arm around Hakyeon's shoulder. "I... Didn't... "

 

"Lies," Hakyeon snapped at him as he hugged him tighter. "You worked hard. I'm sorry if I was harsh on you."

 

"No, you... I... I looked weird."

 

"Hyung, you need to get over it," Sanghyuk was standing by the door of his shared room with Wonshik, arms crossed. "You did well throughout the concert too. You like getting praised anyway so accept it when we give you one. We're performing for the fans, and they liked it. The concert was a success. That's what matters, right?"

 

Hyuk went inside his room without another word. Hakyeon smiled as he stared at the closed door.

 

"Wow, our Hyukkie grew up well," he said, arms still around Taekwoon's waist. Hongbin bit back a bitter remark on how Hakyeon sounded like Hyuk was his child - specifically, his child with Taekwoon. They always joked about the eldest members being parents of the group, but after recent events, Hongbin found it annoying.

 

Suddenly, he felt conscious of his expression as he realized Hakyeon was staring at him with sad eyes.

 

"I... I'm gonna go rest in my room," Hongbin excused himself and walked as quickly as he could. He had been losing control of his emotions, almost confessing to Hakyeon and having unpleasant reactions towards Minhyuk and Taekwoon. He felt guilty thinking that way about his friends, but he couldn't help feeling possessive over Hakyeon. And after his conversation with Taekwoon the previous night, Hongbin just felt so helpless. He wanted to be with Hakyeon so badly but he didn't want to betray Taekwoon.

 

He wished Taekwoon wouldn't betray him either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaaayyyy I need you to bear with me. Next chapter might hurt juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust a little ;P But I swear it's gonna be alright.  
> (Sorry, I'm a little evil too)


	7. Chapter 7

 

Since Hakyeon had not been very touchy or affectionate with him other than that one time after practice, the only thing Hongbin could do was to cling on to Hakyeon like a brat. He didn't care if it was out of character anymore. He wouldn't wait for Hakyeon to suddenly remember he exists or run out of options when Sanghyuk or Jaehwan are not around for him to cuddle.

 

"Hyung," Hongbin threw himself on the couch beside Hakyeon who had a portable rechargable fan at hand while watching TV. "You have no schedule today?"

 

"Nope." Hakyeon answered without even glancing at him.

 

"Ahh, you're leaving tomorrow right? For Japan."

 

"Yeah."

 

"You'll be back before your birthday though, right?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Hongbin frowned. Hakyeon wasn't even watching anything interesting, but he was barely paying attention to Hongbin.

 

"Hyung, I'm tired."

 

"Go rest in your room."

 

Hongbin had other plans. He laid down on the couch and rested his head on Hakyeon's lap. Hakyeon obviously supressed a gasp, and Hongbin couldn't help but feel a little sense of dejavu, except the roles have been reversed this time.

 

"Hey, it's hot," Hakyeon whined.

 

"Yeah. It's hot in my room too. You know I have no AC." Hongbin squirmed a little before settling in a comfortable position, back flat on the couch and looking up directly at Hakyeon.

 

"This is why I told you to buy one!" Hakyeon leaned back, holding the fan close to his own face. "I'm even willing to pay for it. Just get one already!"

 

"Why would you pay for my AC?" Hongbin closed his eyes. He wasn't lying when he said he was tired. He wanted to sleep but he also wanted to spend some time with Hakyeon. "It's fine. The heat is only unbearable during summer. So I'll just crash into one of your rooms when it's too hot."

 

"..."

 

Hongbin heard Hakyeon sigh. Then he felt the wind from the portable fan brushing through his hair, while Hakyeon's fingertips wiped beads of sweat on his forehead.

 

"You wouldn't come into my room."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Well, you can always choose someone else, can you?"

 

Hongbin was confused. _What was Hakyeon trying to say?_

"You know, for someone who doesn't even like skinship, I don't understand why you're clinging on to me now in this heat."

 

It must have been the exhaustion, or the desperation that had been haunting Hongbin the past few weeks. He hasn't really been thinking things through before saying them. "Because I miss you, hyung," he said through a yawn. He felt his heart beat faster after he said it. He wondered for a moment if this counted as a betrayal to Taekwoon, but then he thought it couldn't be counted as a confession.

 

"Oh I'm sure you do." There was a hint of sarcasm in Hakyeon's tone. 

 

Suddenly, the wind was gone from Hongbin's face, and so were Hakyeon's fingers on his forehead. But he still kept his eyes closed, feeling very sleepy despite the heat.

 

"Don't sleep on me," Hakyeon said. "Go to your room, or Taekwoon's."

 

"It's comfy here," Hongbin smiled, squirming a little more before yawning again.

 

"It's hot. My legs are sweating."

 

Hongbin realized then that Hakyeon sounded a little too serious, but he still couldn't help but tease and cling. After all, it was the longest conversation he's had with Hakyeon in weeks.

 

"It's fine. We'll just sweat together."

 

_Oh. That sounded wrong._

 

"I swear to god, Lee Hongbin!"  Now Hakyeon sounded angry.  

 

Hongbin couldn't even dare to open his eyes to look at him. Instead, he shut them tighter and flinched in a mix of surprise and fear from Hakyeon suddenly raising his voice.

 

"If you don't get up right now and stop flirting with me, I'm gonna kiss you."

 

_Wait. What. Flirting? Kiss Me? WHAT?_

 

Hongbin felt his face heat up. He barely realized how he was flirting and now Hakyeon was angry but he was talking about kissing him and Hongbin's brain just couldn't process it.

 

Hakyeon stomped his left foot, trying to shake Hongbin head off his lap, but Hongbin just bounced back to it.

 

"Hyung, calm down! Can't I nap just a little? Just a few minutes! " Hongbin tried to bargain.

 

Hakyeon leaned down. "I'm not kidding, Hongbin-ah. Get up now or I'll kiss you."

 

Hongbin couldn't even say anything back. He could tell how close Hakyeon is because he could feel the warm breath on his face. It took a while before he gathered up some courage and slowly opened one eye - A careful peek at Hakyeon's face.

 

Before he knew it, he had both eyes wide open, staring straight into Hakyeon's beautiful eyes. But they were'n't just beautiful. There was something in there that made Hongbin stare a second or probably a minute longer.

 

Confusion? Hesitation? Anger? Pain? A mix of everything? Hongbin wasn't sure, but he knew it wasn't the playful glisten that Hakyeon usually had in his eyes. And it pained Hongbin.

 

"Hyung," Hongbin finally broke the silence. He raised a hand to try to reach for Hakyeon's face. "Are you okay?"

 

Before the tips of his fingers could even touch a cheek, Hakyeon raised himself and leaned back on the couch. Hongbin sat up, not tearing his gaze away from Hakyeon.

 

Tears. There were tears pooling at the corner of Hakyeon's eyes.

 

"Hyung?"

 

Hakyeon has turned his face away from Hongbin.

 

Hongbin felt lost. Did he do something wrong? "I... I'm sorry? I... Why are you crying? I... Just..."

 

"No, sorry." Hakyeon stood up, obviously trying not to face Hongbin. "I'm not crying. It's just sweat. It's just the heat. I'm gonna go rest in my room. You can use this," He tossed the portable fan at Hongbin and walked away without glancing back.

 

It was only then that it sunk in to Hongbin. He had been seeing that look on Hakyeon's face for weeks. There was something bothering Hakyeon but Hongbin was too pre-occupied with his own feelings. He felt so dumb and useless for not noticing it sooner. And even now that he noticed, he had no idea what to do.

 

Should he ask Taekwoon? Has Taekwoon noticed it too? No, Taekwoon definitely knew. It probably had something to do with him. Both of them had been acting strange and tensed for a while now, but Hongbin had been dismissing it because Taekwoon told him they were okay. If something really happened between them, and Hongbin was purposely being left in the dark, did he have a right to meddle with them? He didn't even feel like he had the right to ask, much more to feel jealous.

 

Hongbin muttered a curse under his breath. 

 

_When did things get so complicated?_

 

-=o0o=-

 

Hongbin didn't get a chance to talk to Hakyeon again before the latter went to Japan for his fanmeet series. He did call Hakyeon after a few days, but he could only ask how he was doing. Talking about something so serious over the phone wasn't really an option.

 

So Hongbin's next choice was to talk to Taekwoon. They all got busy with their individual and personal schedules, but Hongbin chanced upon Taekwoon at the practice room after getting his revised drama script through the company.

 

"Why are you still dancing that?" Hongbin crossed his arms as he stood by the door of the practice room. 

 

Taekwoon turned in surprise, ears turning a little pink for being caught still obsessing over Circle.

 

"Shouldn't you be preparing for your solo by now?"

 

Taekwoon scratched his head as he changed the music to their other songs. Incidentally, Odd Sense, which had a lot of lines sung by Hongbin, was next on his playlist.

 

"They still haven't decided on the title track, so I don't have anything to work on yet." He sat on the floor and jerked his head as a signal for Hongbin to enter the room.

 

Hongbin walked in and sat beside him. "But why are you still doing Circle?"

 

"I'm just trying to loosen up. Maybe it'll help me be more at ease with whatever dance they come up with for my title song. Maybe I'll keep doing it I get sick of it."

 

"Sick of our song?"

 

"Sick of the image of Hakyeon dancing it."

 

"Oh, goodluck with that." Hongbin snorted. So much time has passed since that day and Hongbin can still remember it vividly.

 

Taekwoon just stared at him, half pouting. Hongbin wouldn't say it out loud, but at least to himself, he had to admit Taekwoon just looked really cute sometimes.

 

"Speaking of Hakyeon-hyung," Hongbin hesitated. Taekwoon has denied it each time he asked before. He really didn't think the answer would change now.

 

Before he could continue with his question though, Taekwoon interjected. "Maybe I'll keep dancing it until I turn you on too."

 

"Ugh, hyung! Don't get weird with me again!" His initial reaction was to cringe and roll his eyes, but then he glanced at Taekwoon, who looked at him with that intense gaze that was usually reserved for their sexy stages.

 

"Why not?"

 

It was Hongbin's turn to get flustered. He could feel the redness creeping in on his face and ears. Taekwoon slid closer to him, not breaking eye contact until they were just inches apart from each other. For a moment, Hongbin forgot to breathe.

 

"Is our business deal still on?" Taekwoon asked, his voice a little too breathy and low. 

 

Hongbin gulped as he felt the hair on his neck stand at the sound of it."Hyung..."

 

Taekwoon leaned closer. "If I kiss you now, would you still be thinking about him?"

 

Hongbin was just stunned. He couldn't move. He couldn't say anything. He couldn't even think straight. And he was sure he was making a pretty weird face.

 

Weird may have been an understatement. Because seconds later, Taekwoon bursted laughing, rolling to his side on the floor. "Hongbin-ah, you looked really funny."

 

Hongbin glared at him. "Don't scare me like that!"

 

"Were you really scared that I would kiss you?" Taekwoon was still laughing, but the sound of it seemed unusual to Hongbin. Has Taekwoon's laughter always sounded that dry and loud?

 

"What is with you guys and kissing me? It's annoying." He rolled his eyes. He wanted to stand up and just leave, but he felt like it would make him look defeated. So he stayed where he was and continued to glare at Taekwoon.

 

"What do you mean? Who else kissed you?" Taekwoon's laughter was beginning to die down. He raised himself from the floor in a sloppy attempt to sit again.

 

"Hakyeon-hyung."

 

"He kissed you?" It was only then that Taekwoon sat up straight, the sudden change on his expression making Hongbin panic.

 

"N-no!" Hongbin leaned back, unconciously sliding across the floor to move away from Taekwoon. "He... Was just... I was being annoying and he thought I'd go away if he threatened to kiss me."

 

He waited for Taekwoon's expression to lighten up, but that didn't happen. Taekwoon just stared at him, frowning and unmoving.

 

"It's not like how you think. He didn't kiss me, okay? If anything, he just got pissed at me."

 

"Do you still want to confess?"

 

If Hongbin would be honest, he would say yes. But he knew that wouldn't do them any good. "I don't know."

 

Taekwoon turned around and stood up. He also turned off the music and started packing his things.

 

"Confessing my feelings isn't really what I'm thinking of right now." Hongbin stood up as well. "Hyung, you know, don't you? What's been bothering him? What happened between you guys? I'm worried... About both of you."

 

Taekwoon sighed. He turned to face Hongbin after he finished packing up. "Promise me one thing." He slung his bag onto his shoulder and sighed again. "Wait for me."

 

"What?"

 

"Hakyeon returns in three days. I'll be the one flying to Japan then. Promise me you won't do anything while I'm gone."

 

"What would I be doing? I don't understand, hyung-"

 

Suddenly, Taekwoon's arms were around him, holding him in an awkward hug.

 

"I'll tell you everything then."

 

"Can't you tell me now?"

 

Taekwoon buried his face onto Hongbin's shoulder, which made the hug even more awkward because he was taller than Hongbin. "Just give me time. Please. Trust me one last time."

 

"Okay." It wasn't like Hongbin could say no. Not when Taekwoon was pleading with such desperation in his voice. 

 

Hongbin realized that just like with Hakyeon, there were many other things he noticed about Taekwoon the past few weeks. Taekwoon had also been in pain, almost always at the verge of crying whenever they spoke. Just like with Hakyeon, Hongbin brushed it aside and attributed it to stress and exhaustion.

 

Now it felt like everything was going to blow up in his face. Both his hyungs were on the edge, and he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. Maybe if he realized it sooner, he could have done something to help them. What if it had something to do with him, that's why they weren't telling him anything? What if it was his fault?

 

Or what if they were in love with each other but they have been protecting Hongbin from getting hurt? What if the tension between them was because they were holding back on their feelings because of him? What if that was the reason Taekwoon got upset with him when he wanted to confess?

 

Hongbin thought long and hard about it during the time Taekwoon asked of him. He just wanted them all to be happy. But if his hyungs needed him to get out of the equation, could he be happy for them? In his mind, Hongbin has convinced himself he could let go and support whatever would make them happy. But in his heart, he knew he'd be miserable. Just imagining Hakyeon and Taekwoon together made his chest feel tight, almost as if he wanted to stab himself in the heart. 

 

He thought it was the worst feeling ever, for how could he not want the best for his beloved hyungs? But he was wrong. 

 

The feeling was way worse than he imagined when he saw it with his own eyes, two days after Taekwoon returned from Japan.

 

The manager asked him to deliver an edited sheet music to Taekwoon who was at the recording studio that time, experimenting on his compositions that would possibly be included in his solo album.

 

Hongbin entered the studio after despite having no one answer his knocking. He was told that it wasn't an official recording yet and Taekwoon was alone.

 

But he wasn't alone.

 

Inside the recording booth was Hakyeon. Leaning forward. Reaching for the headphones around Taekwoon's neck. Tiptoeing and pulling him for a chaste kiss. 

 

They didn't even notice Hongbin outside the booth. And when they parted Hakyeon smiled at Taekwoon. A really sweet smile, despite having his eyes brimming with tears - or so Hongbin thought. He wasn't sure if he was seeing things clearly because his vision has been blurred by his own tears.

 

He carelessly tossed the sheet music towards the booth control panel and hurried out of the studio. He walked fast. Walked faster. Until he was running down the hallway, desperately wiping his tears off his face. He found himself running up the fire exit staircase like some protagonist in a cliche melodrama scene. Except that he didn't feel like a protagonist at all. He was just a supporting character. Someone who had to sacrifice for the happiness of the main leads. And no matter how much he conditioned himself to be happy for them, he just couldn't stop the tears from coming. He didn't need to stab himself in the chest anymore. What he felt was definitely worse than just stabbing. It was more like his heart was being crushed over and over again.

 

He was hearing their voices in his head, calling out his name. Only this time, Hongbin didn't want to hear it. He needed to stop hearing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry if this hurt you... :P
> 
> Will try to update sooner to not leave you hanging. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Hongbin let out a heavy sigh when he saw that the lights in their living room were still on. It was 2am and he was hoping no one would see him come home in a terrible state after crying for who knows how long and refusing to go home in hopes of avoiding both Taekwoon and Hakyeon.

 

 

Unfortunately, it was Taekwoon waiting for him at the living room.

 

"Hongbin!" Taekwoon rushed to meet him by the doorway. "Oh god, Hongbin, your eyes..."

 

Taekwoon reached out to touch his face but Hongbin immediately turned his head away. Just seeing Taekwoon's face made his heart ache again.

 

"I'm fine, hyung." He side-stepped Taekwoon, keeping his head low while he continued walking towards his room. Taekwoon grabbed his arm.

 

"You're not okay. Listen to me," Taekwoon sounded desperate, but Hongbin couldn't really care much about it. "You saw us earlier, right? Hakyeon and I-"

 

"Hyung, please!" He didn't mean to raise his voice, but it effectively shut Taekwoon up. "I get it. I don't need to hear your say it."

 

"No, Kong-"

 

"Congratulations. I'll do my best to get over him so I can look you in the eyes and say I'm happy for you. One day, I'll really mean it."

 

"Hey,"

 

"And don't worry, I won't jerk off to him or anything. Just... let me mope in peace for a few days." He shook his arm free from Taekwoon's grasp and continued walking to his room.

 

"Seriously, Lee Hongbin! Can't you just listen?!" Taekwoon didn't follow him but there was a firm authority in his voice, making Hongbin stop on his tracks again. "If you would just listen to me, you'd save yourself from months' worth of moping."

 

Hongbin turned around to face him, confusion written all over his face.

 

"We're not together."

 

Hongbin frowned. "You don't have to lie, or hold back just because of me. I already saw it. You guys--"

 

"Shut up and let me finish." Taekwoon took a few steps towards him, but still kept some distance between them.

 

"It's not what you think it is. What you saw... It was a goodbye kiss. Something like that."

 

It wasn't making any sense to Hongbin. 

 

"Just think of it as if I confessed to him and he rejected me. It was a pity kiss."

 

Hongbin was still confused. He opened his mouth to say something, but he had too many questions in his head and he couldn't process any of it to actually ask Taekwoon.

 

"You're free to confess to him now. I'm sorry if you had to hold back because of me. I was selfish, and I did stupid things. I'm really sorry you had to suffer because of me. I'm sorry you had to see that earlier."

 

"But..." Finally finding his voice, Hongbin walked back towards Taekwoon, staring at his face, searching for any hint of a lie. "What was it all about? The tension that's been going on for months between you guys. I wasn't imagining it, right? Something happened, and he had been looking at you with so much pain in his eyes."

 

"You knew how he looked at me but you didn't notice how he looked at you?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I lied to him."

 

"About what?"

 

"He caught me coming out of your room that night. He also knew what we did in the restroom during practice. He asked me about it. I told him we were in a relationship."

 

Hongbin gasped. "You told him what?!"

 

"I let him think we were in love and doing all those things together."

 

"Why the hell would you do that?! Hyung!"

 

"I told you, it's because I was selfish."

 

"What would you get from telling him that?"

 

Taekwoon scratched his head. "I thought you'd be smart enough to figure things out, but I guess you're just as dumb as Hakyeon."

 

"I don't get it. I - Hey, were you insulting me just now?! How can you say that with such a straight face?! You're really something, hyung!"

 

"You're getting off-track. Can't you focus on the actual issue here?"

 

"I don't even know what the issue is anymore. I don't understand anything you're telling me right now."

 

"Anyway, I've told Hakyeon the truth about us. It's your turn to talk to him. Just confess as you originally wanted to do. I'll go wake him up."

 

In a fit of panic, Hongbin grabbed Taekwoon's arm and pulled him back. 

 

Taekwoon raised his brows. "Are you chickening out now? You wanted to tell him how you feel, didn't you?" He tried to pull himself free but Hongbin hugged his whole arm, pulling him away from the direction of Hakyeon's room.

 

"I..." Hongbin wasn't mentally prepared. And knowing now that Hakyeon rejected Taekwoon got him more scared. What if Hakyeon rejected him too? 

 

"I look terrible right now."

 

Taekwoon rolled his eyes again. "We were trying to call you the whole day. If you answered just one call, you wouldn't have such swollen eyes right now."

 

"Even so... I... I'm not ready. I don't know what to say. Just... Let me go back to my room. And I'll think things through... Maybe tomorrow--"

 

"Hakyeon was worried sick about you. I basically had to force him to go to sleep while I wait for you."

 

Hongbin stopped pulling on Taekwoon's arm. He stopped moving all together, taking in what he heard. It was just so like Hakyeon to worry too much. Hongbin felt bad for being too emotional and causing unnecessary drama. "Then let's just let him sleep? He must be tired."

 

Taekwoon took a deep breath and stared at Hongbin. "I promised I'll wake him up when you come home."

 

Suddenly, there was an arm around Hongbin's neck, holding him down and dragging him towards Hakyeon's room.

 

"Hyung!" Hongbin cried out in a voiceless scream. He sat too long at the company's rooftop crying for hours that his legs still felt a little numb. He was too tired and he didn't have the strength to fight Taekwoon's arm choke.

 

Before he knew it, he was pushed into the darkness of Hakyeon's room, door shutting too quickly before he could run back out. He tried to pull on the knob but Taekwoon was holding it from the other side.

 

"You're not getting out of there until you talk to him. I'll let you out in the morning."

 

 

"You're not gonna stand there the whole night just to hold the damn door!" Hongbin whispered angrily.

 

"Oh try me, Lee Hongbin."

 

Hongbin scowled in frustration. "Can't you just let me recover for a little bit?! Today was exhausting! I was heartbroken!" He was doing his best to keep his voice down and not wake Hakyeon but he needed Taekwoon to hear his desperation. There was too much that happened during the day and his brain still hasn't fully processed anything Taekwoon said.

 

"Hongbin?"

 

Hongbin cursed under his breath. He turned his head a little, but he didn't directly face the bed where Hakyeon was rubbing the sleep off his eyes as he propped himself up.

 

His heart was racing and beads of sweat were forming on his temples. He wanted to beg Taekwoon to let him out but he couldn't say anything anymore now knowing that Hakyeon could hear him. He was turning left and right, not knowing where to fix his gaze at. He was too embarrassed and nervous to face Hakyeon, but it would be weird and rude to keep facing the door.

 

"Hey, you can relax, you know?" Hakyeon has fully sat up. He stretched out a hand and called again for Hongbin. "Come here."

 

Hongbin turned, his eyes adjusting to the darkness and taking in Hakyeon's figure on the bed. Even in the dark, Hakyeon's glow was visible (and beautiful. Hongbin couldn't help but regret all the tasteless jokes that they used to throw at him when they were younger.)

 

He hesitantly took Hakyeon's hand, and he was gently pulled towards the bed so that they sat together. A gentle stroke on his face - Hongbin could see the worry in Hakyeon's eyes even through the dimness.

 

"I'm sorry," Hakyeon said. "You went through a lot today, right?"

 

"Hyung, don't... I'm the one who's sorry for worrying you guys."

 

"You want to rest?"

 

Hongbin kept his head down. His fears were getting into his head. He really wanted to turn back and run away to his room.

 

Right on cue, Hakyeon responded as if he could read his mind. "I dropped by your room earlier while waiting for you. You should really get an AC."

 

"It's fine, hyung."

 

"Sleep here tonight."

 

Hongbin gasped (for the Nth time that day). "N-no need for that, hyung. I'll be fine in my room."

 

"It's a favor," Hakyeon said. "I need you to stay here with me tonight."

 

Hongbin could only laugh awkwardly. "I'm not sure that's a good idea." His heart was beating so fast he didn't think he could sleep next to Hakyeon. Hell, Hakyeon would probably hear his heart pounding loudly if they lay together.

 

"Please?" Hakyeon squeezed his hand. "I need a hand to hold tonight. Don't think of anything. Just rest and sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

 

"O... Okay?" Hongbin knew he wouldn't get an ounce of sleep, but he couldn't refuse Hakyeon.

 

So they lay side by side, with Hakyeon holding his tiny hand as he closed his eyes and slept. Hongbin has fully adjusted in the dark and he could see Hakyeon's face clearly.

 

He felt like it has been too long since he was last able to stare at that beautiful face so closely. In his mind, he traced every line, every circle, and every strand of hair he could see. His heart was still racing, Hakyeon could probably feel it through the pulse on the hand he was holding. But he didn't say anything. He just held Hongbin's hand throughout the night.

 

He could see how exhausted Hakyeon was, with the way he easily fell back to sleep. Hongbin realized it wasn't just him who had a tiring day. Hakyeon had to take in a lot too, especially with Taekwoon's confession and having to worry about Hongbin. As he watched Hakyeon sleep, he also had the chance to think about everything that happened that day.

 

Hakyeon asked for him to stay and held his hand. Hakyeon wanted him there. Needed him there. He couldn't help but feel happy about it. That Taekwoon lied about their relationship and then dragged him to Hakyeon's room to confess made a little more sense to him now. Still, he couldn't get rid of the fear and nervousness. What if he was getting it all wrong again?

 

-=o0o=-

 

When he woke up the next day, it was almost noon, and Hakyeon wasn't there beside him. He was scared. He ran through everything that happened again, wondering if any part of it was just a dream (or a nightmare, maybe). But waking up in Hakyeon's room at least assured him that Hakyeon really asked him to stay.

 

Just as he sat up, Hakyeon returned to the room with two mugs held on one hand and a pack of cheese bread tucked between his arm and his torso.

 

Hongbin realized he probably should have stood up and helped instead of watching Hakyeon struggle with the door with his free hand, but he was still in half a daze. At the back of his head, he also thought it was really cute and sweet, waking up to Hakyeon bringing him food in the morning.

 

"Oh, good, you're awake." Hakyeon threw him the pack of bread after closing the door. "I was worried how I'll wake you up." He proceeded to set the mugs down on his bedside table. "It's a little too late for breakfast but I figured we should eat something. Sorry, it's the only food I could find that didn't need cooking."

 

Hongbin noticed one mug had milk for Hakyeon, and the other had green tea, probably for him. He wasn't sure if the tea would go well with cheese bread, but he was feeling a little hungry and he greatly appreciated the tea if he needed to keep himself calm through the conversation they were about to have.

 

"Thanks," he smiled at Hakyeon as he opened the pack and popped a bite-sized bread into his mouth.

 

"Did you sleep well?"

 

"Yeah, I think?" He wasn't sure when exactly he fell asleep, but he sure woke up feeling better, despite his eyes still feeling slightly swollen and sleep-deprived.

 

Hakyeon smiled and chattered away as they ate. It was random, really. From trivial things that happened during his Japan fanmeet, to company gossips and group antics, Hakyeon kept talking and Hongbin just went along with it. Hongbin felt like they were an actual couple having early morning small talks before starting their day.  Except they weren't a couple.

 

Not yet, at least.

 

 

"Hyung," Hongbin put down his empty mug and stared at Hakyeon. His nervousness was coming back to him, but he felt more confident now than he did the previous night. The tea probably helped to make him feel at ease too. "Are you talking so much now because you're nervous?"

 

Hayeon's mouth instantly shut. He pursed his lips and turned his gaze away from Hongbin.

 

"I thought I'd be the more nervous one since I was going to confess," Hongbin chuckled. He took a deep breath and reached for Hakyeon's hand.

 

Hakyeon was visibly blushing. It made Hongbin giggle. Hakyeon was so cute. He received a glare in return.

 

"It's not like you're the only one. I have things to say too. I just..."

 

"Okay," Hongbin said. "Do you want to go first?"

 

"..."

 

"Okay. Me first then." Hongbin took another deep breath and gently squeezed on the hand he was holding. "I know it's been weird lately."

 

Hakyeon bit his lower lip as he listened. The blush still visible on his tanned cheeks.

 

"I... I did some things with Taekwoon-hyung, and honestly, I can't give you any reason why. I'm just really sorry. I didn't think you knew and I didn't realize it would hurt you. I was just thinking of myself. I kept using Taekwoon-hyung as an excuse. I didn't want any conflict between the three of us, but the truth was I was just really scared."

 

He paused, unconsciously loosening his hold and rubbing his thumb over the back of Hakyeon's hand instead. "I mean of course it's also true, I didn't want to hurt Taekwoon-hyung. I know he loves you a lot too, and we both didn't know if you were even interested in either of us but..."

 

Hongbin noticed Hakyeon furrowed his brows. He suddenly felt his nerves acting up again as he wondered if he said something wrong. Was he blowing off his shot at being with Hakyeon? Was he saying something stupid? Was he making Hakyeon feel frustrated? Suddenly, he wasn't sure of what to say anymore.

 

"I mean... I... Anyway, I was also scared that you would choose Taekwoon-hyung... Or Minhyuk-hyung.. I... I just... Had a lot of worries. I know, I'm a coward, I waited for so long just to be able to say this. But-"

 

"Hongbin-ah," Hakyeon suddenly interrupted. Hongbin gulped, seeing all the traces of smile disappear from Hakyeon's face.

 

"What did Taekwoon tell you last night?"

 

"Huh?" His eyes rolled up as he tried to recall. He couldn't really think of anything significant that Hakyeon would be asking for. "He told me he lied to you about what's between him and me. That I should confess to you?" He looked at Hakyeon tentatively.

 

"That was all?"

 

Hongbin was getting more confused. Was there something else he should have said? He racked his brain to think of more. "I don't recall much because I was a little confused then. But... He said he confessed to you and you rejected him and what i saw yesterday was a pity kiss of sorts. Something like that?"

 

Now Hakyeon was definitely frowning, and it scared Hongbin.

 

"It wasn't a pity kiss. I wouldn't call it that way."

 

"Yeah," Hongbin held back a grunt. "I guess a pity kiss sounds bad?"

 

"Did he tell you how he feels about me?"

 

"Not like he needed to. I have always known."

 

"What about how he feels about you?"

 

"Huh?"

 

Seeing the clueless look on Hongbin's face, Hakyeon pulled his hand from Hongbin's loose grasp. He ran the same hand through his hair as he sighed. He bit his lower lip again and looked at Hongbin as if he wanted to say something but was holding back. And Hongbin could tell by the look in his eyes that whatever it was made Hakyeon feel uncomfortable.

 

"Hyung, what is it? What do you mean?" At the back of his head, Hongbin had an idea, but he never really considered it as a possibility.

 

"You're not dumb, Lee Hongbin," Hakyeon told him. "I hate to be the one to tell you this because Taekwoon obviously didn't plan on telling you. But... I think you should know."

 

"You're scaring me." Hongbin felt something tightening in his chest. This conversation wasn't going the way he imagined it would when he was watching Hakyeon sleep while holding his hand. He was getting more and more confused each second, with each word that comes out of Hakyeon's mouth.

 

"It's true. Taekwoon did love me. And he lied to me out of spite when he realized I had feelings for you and not for him. But... I think... No, Hongbin, I know... While he was putting up a show in front of me, Taekwoon actually fell for you."

 

No way.

 

"That's... Not possible..." Hongbin replied weakly. He couldn't believe Hakyeon, and yet he couldn't convince himself otherwise either.

 

"Taekwoon... When he discovered how I felt for you, he acted selfishly and lied. He could have continued lying. The way you guys were acting around each other, I wouldn't have found out if he didn't tell me the truth. But he chose to come clean because he couldn't stand hurting you. He became selfless because of you. I think that says a lot."

 

"No, but... How can you be so sure that it's because of me? It could be that he just felt guilty of hurting you, because he loves you! We talked about you too. Like how you've been acting strange, and we were both worried-"

 

"Maybe," Hakyeon replied. "There was no way he wouldn't have felt guilty about lying and hurting me too. But I know, Hongbin. It's the same way you knew he was in love with me without him saying anything. I know he's in love with you **now**."

 

Hongbin was having a hard time processing this new information. Thinking back, he could remember a few times when he might have felt a little tingly under Taekwoon's gaze.

 

"I love you," Hakyeon suddenly said. It wasn't like Hongbin hadn't figured it out yet, but hearing Hakyeon say it still shocked him. It made his heart flutter, but he couldn't react the way he thought he would. He should have felt ecstatic. This was all he ever wanted for years. But Hakyeon's eyes were brimming with tears again and Hongbin knew they weren't tears of joy. 

 

"I love you so much," Hakyeon cupped Hongbin's face in his hands. "I love you, that's why I'm telling you this."

 

"Hyung... This... Does not affect how I feel for you."

 

"I'd like to think so." There was that sad smile on Hakyeon's face again. Hongbin hated that kind of smile. "Still, I want you to go and clear you mind. Think things through. Twice, thrice, until you're 200% sure of it. If there's any chance that you also fell for Taekwoon, I want you to be honest with yourself and with me."

 

 

"That's not..." Hongbin felt his whole body warming up. He knew he was getting red on the face, only it was for a totally unexpected reason. He was confused, and frustrated, and flustered. 

 

"Do you know why it was easy for me to believe Taekwoon's lie?"

 

Hongbin shook his head. If he was to be honest, he found it unbelievable. The other members probably would have seen through it right away. Maybe Taekwoon was right when he called Hakyeon dumb.

 

"You care so much for Taekwoonnie."

 

"Of course I do," Hongbin scowled. "He's Taekwoon-hyung. You care for him too. We all do."

 

"Yes, of course. But you... During all this time, you took extra care of him. You asked me to help him with his solo. You wanted to stay with him during practice. He stuck to your side because he was putting on a show for me, but you kept him by your side without any reason. If you weren't even slightly interested in him, I don't think you would have started messing around with him in the first place."

 

That hit a guilty chord in Hongbin. It was true he was the one who started it all when he offered to give Taekwoon a handjob. He understood what Hakyeon was telling him. A part of him knew he was, at the very least, attracted to Taekwoon, but another part of him did not want to accept it. "Do you have any idea how much I've wanted to be with you? I've felt this way for you for years!"

 

"That's exactly why I want you to go." Hakyeon leaned back. Subtly wiping his tears before they even  fell from his eyes. "It freakin' scares me to let you go like this, but I want you to be sure. I want to be the real person that you want now, and not just a dream you've kept with you for years."

 

"I'm not telling you to choose him," Hakyeon said hesitantly. "I'm just telling you to think things through. For your sake, for mine, and for Taekwoon's too. I need you to be sure of what you want."

 

"This is crazy," Hongbin grunted in frustration. "You were the one who was supposed to choose between Taekwoon-hyung and me. Why is it suddenly me who has to decide?"

 

Hakyeon just looked at him. Guilt and pain all over his face. "I'm sorry," he said. "Maybe if I had been more direct and honest about how I felt for you guys from the very start, we wouldn't have come to this."

 

Hongbin sighed. He didn't want Hakyeon to beat himself up over this. He knew Hakyeon was having a hard time too. "It's not your fault. It was me who started this. You're right. I need to clear my head." He took another deep breath before standing up from the bed.

 

"I'll come back to you," Hongbin muttered. He couldn't bear to look at Hakyeon. He knew he'd be met with  painful expression if he even tried to glance. He hated himself for hurting Hakyeon, and now he realized that he had been hurting Taekwoon all this time too. "Just give me some time."

 

 

He left Hakyeon's room in a daze. It was fortunate that he didn't have filming schedule that morning, so he could spend some time alone in his sweltering room at least until late afternoon. It was the first time he felt so uncomfortable in his own room. It felt like hell to him. 

 

"Maybe I deserve this kind of hell," he thought to himself, feeling tired and hungry despite having just woken up and eating breakfast with Hakyeon. His eyelids felt heavy. There was so much he had to think about but the exhaustion from the previous day was still catching up to him. And he couldn't fight it. Much like he couldn't fight the tightness he felt on his chest.

 

He closed his eyes and let sleep take over him, despite fearing what kind of dream his brain will come up with in such a confused state. He wished he would wake up and and realize it had all been just a dream and he wouldn't have to face a dilemma.

 

Of course, he still woke up in the same reality. And he still had to make a choice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ  
> Some of your guesses are correct.  
> And I feel bad that the person who guessed about the kiss correctly is the person who didn't want it to happen. But what can I do? Hahaha  
> We're almost done. I hope you stay with me till the end!  
> Thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for putting notes at the beginning. You might get a little confused. I started writing this chapter way back chapter 3 and when I haven't decided who will end up with whom yet. I'm Hakyeon biased, so I thought whatever the ending is, I'll have a Hakyeon Chapter. Bear with the time skips. Bear with the lengths too. Last two chapters got too long haha  
> Final Chapter will be back to Hongbin's POV.

 

 

"I think I'll be helping Taekwoon tonight. He ran away the moment I asked him if he was okay with the choreography so I think we might have to tone it down a little. It might have been too much for him."

 

 

Minhyuk laughed. "Let me guess. You made another seductive dance and gave him a boner again? You know, you can't expect your members to hoe things up the way you do."

 

"It's not my fault ideas just come into my head and our dance team likes it. Besides, don't underestimate Taekwoon. He's a little too noodly with his goddamn limbs but his dancing has improved so much. I know he can do it as long as he puts his mind in to it. He can be really sexy too!"

 

"At least give the man a break. If you're not into him, don't get him worked up. You don't even acknowledge his feelings for you."

 

"Don't say that. I'm just here to help him. All of them." Hakyeon bit his lip. "They're such good kids and I love them all."

 

"Yeah, not as much as they love you."

 

There was a sudden noise from Hakyeon's back, and when he turned, he realized one of the cubicles were occupied. He panicked when he found out it was Hongbin inside. He quickly pressed the end call button and replayed his conversation with Minhyuk in his head. He wondered if Hongbin heard anything about Taekwoon and the feelings they never talked about.

 

 

"I didn't even realize you were there. How long have you been there? Do you need anything? Did you run out of tissue?"  Hakyeon looked around the restroom, wondering what he could get for Hongbin.  "Do you need to go to the hospital later? Can you keep rehearsing? I-" 

 

"Hyung, shut up!"

 

And Hakyeon did shut up. He had no idea why his eyes wandered towards the gap between the floor and the cubicle door in front of him, but he found himself frozen as he saw two pairs of sneakers inside. He felt cold sweat forming on his temples as he recognized the second pair.

 

"I'm okay. I'd rather not talk about bomb business while you're still on the phone with Minhyuk-hyung. I'm done. I'm just... Just..."

 

Hakyeon couldn't bring himself to care about how Hongbin knew he was talking to Minhyuk, especially upon hearing the words that followed.

 

"Just go away!" 

 

Go away. Sure.

 

 

"Sorry," Hongbin sighed. "I'll be out soon. Please just go back without me."

 

"Okay," Hakyeon replied. "You sure you're okay?"

 

"Yes, hyung, just leave. Please. Thank you."

 

"If you're not back in the practice room in 10 minutes, I'm coming back here to drag you out. Okay?" Hakyeon tried to sound as firm and strict as he could. But for all his false bravado, he knew he didn't have the guts to go back and possibly find Hongbin and Taekwoon doing who knows what inside that cubicle. They could disappear for another hour and Hakyeon wouldn't be able to set a foot inside.

 

"Hyung, did you see Hongbin? He said he was just gonna take a piss," Wonshik asked when he returned.

 

"Yeah, he'll be out for a bit more."

 

"Taekwoon-hyung-"

 

"Let's keep practicing the solos for now." Hakyeon didn't want to answer any question anymore. He didn't want to think about Hongbin and Taekwoon. He typed a quick text to Minhyuk before joining Wonshik with his practice.

 

_Sorry. Can we meet tonight after all?_

-=o0o=-

 

"Weren't you a little cruel to Taekwoon?"

 

Minhyuk handed him his third and last shot of soju. Hakyeon insisted that they drink at least one bottle  together, although he only chugged two consecutive shots and proceeded to tell his story while Minhyuk drank the rest. Hakyeon was never really the type to drink his problems away, but he felt like he needed a drink before he vented out his frustrations at Minhyuk.

 

"I know. And I feel bad. But I got really frustrated." 

 

"You don't know for sure if they did anything nasty in there, though?"

 

Hakyeon frowned. "Duh? Two gay guys with boners hiding in one cubicle, and you think they played how far can your piss go? I mean, I don't know about Hongbin, but I definitely saw Taekwoon  had a tent down his pants before he ran out of the practice room. Seriously, how dare they mess around during practice?!"

 

Minhyuk leaned his chin on his hand and smirked at him. "Is that really what frustrates you? Aren't you more mad that it wasn't you they were playing around with?"

 

"No! Of course not!" Hakyeon winced after drinking his shot. "Should we get another bottle?"

 

"You barely even drank," Minhyuk said as he shoved meat right into Hakyeon's mouth.

 

"I'm... just.." Hakyeon chewed for a bit before continuing. "I was just really shocked."

 

"I'm not."

 

"Woah? What? Really? Why? How come?"

 

"Back at you. Two gay guys, living in one dorm, constantly getting boners from a sensual dancer who's also very touchy on regular days, and who doesn't acknowledge their feelings. It was bound to happen."

 

"..."

 

"Hakyeon," Minhyuk leaned back, trying really hard to wipe the smirk off his face. "What's it to you if they actually get together and date?"

 

Hakyeon felt a throb in his chest. He called out for the serving lady to politely ask for another bottle of soju.

 

 

 

"Why were you angrier with Taekwoon than with Hongbin?"

Hakyeon didn't answer until the soju arrived. He immediately poured himself a shot and drank.

"You know they can't just sit around and pine after you forever, right?"

 

Another shot.

 

Minhyuk grabbed the bottle from Hakyeon's hand, knowing his friend can't hold his alcohol well. "Hakyeon-ah."

 

"Okay! Stop!" Hakyeon raised his voice a little. "I get it. Just stop." Hakyeon picked up his chopsticks and aggressively stuffed his mouth with meat.

 

"You asked me to meet with you, you can't tell me to shut up now." Minhyuk poured himself a drink too.

 

Hakyeon sighed. "I'm sorry." Minhyuk just smiled at him. "I just... It pisses me off! They were so obviously into me but they never actually tried to confess and I pretended not to know because I didn't want to hurt either of them. I didn't expect them to keep liking me, but I never once thought they'll possibly end up with each other!"

 

Minhyuk stayed silent, as if waiting for more. Hakyeon looked at him helplessly. He didn't want to say it. Not out loud. Not even to Minhyuk.

 

"Minhyuk-ah..."

 

"..."

 

"I'm just..."

 

"Don't play safe with me," Minhyuk finally said. "You're out here drinking like an idiot because you can't handle your damn feelings. At least be honest with me."

 

Hakyeon looked down.

 

"You're in love with Hongbin, aren't you?"

 

"..." Hakyeon couldn't bring himself to look up again, but he nodded his head slightly.

 

Minhyuk sighed as he decided to pour Hakyeon one more drink. "Well, they still react to you. Maybe they were just playing around with each other. You know, just relieving each other's stress."

 

"Maybe." Hakyeon gulped his shot down. "But what if they're not? I was honestly blaming Taekwoon more, but I know Hongbin wouldn't have done something he didn't want to do.  What if they actually fell for each other?"

 

"Then you'll only have yourself to blame."

 

"Wow. Thanks."

 

Minhyuk chuckled. "Sorry, but I'm serious. Don't give me bullshit like you're the leader and you want to keep peace within the group. They're very much aware of each other's feelings for you and they never fought about it. I don't think you choosing one of them will ruin their friendship."

 

"What about me? What if it ruins my relationship with them? What if things get awkward? What if-"

 

"Give them some credit. They're not that shallow. It would get awkward for a while but you guys have been friends for so long and you'll stay friends no matter what. You're really just being a coward right now."

 

"Yeah," Hakyeon wanted to cry. "I am." Hakyeon reached out for more soju but Minhyuk swatted his hand away telling him to stop drinking.

 

"I don't want to have to carry or drag you out of here." Hakyeon pouted cutely at him, but Minhyuk was firm. "Just eat," Minhyuk said, shoving more meat into Hakyeon's mouth.

 

Hakyeon sighed as he ate. He was slightly tipsy and at that moment, he thought he had the guts to go ask Taekwoon what the real deal was. (He was still too scared to confront Hongbin) If he wasn't with Minhyuk, he probably would have grabbed his phone and called Taekwoon. But he also knew that once the alcohol was out of his system, he would be back to being a coward.

 

And indeed he was. In the days that followed, he kept telling himself that he would speak to Taekwoon about it, but each time he got the chance, he kept coming up with excuses. 

 

_I'll talk to him later,_ he told himself repeatedly. But he never really got to doing it. Until that day when he wanted to snuggle up to Hongbin after a tiring day, but he felt like he was being driven away by both Hongbin and Taekwoon. He felt queasy, especially when he saw only the two of them left at the couch after Hyuk went back to his room. He didn't want to leave them alone. He wanted to ask so badly, but he was afraid of hearing the answer. Truthfully, whatever the answer was, he felt like he would look stupid for even asking.

 

The next day, Hakyeon had to leave early morning for a photoshoot. He was all ready to go when he saw Taekwoon coming out of Hongbin's room.

 

The lights were off and the sun hasn't risen yet, but he could see Taekwoon's face clearly as they faced each other in between Hongbin's and Hakyeon's room.

 

"Ha-Hakyeonnie," Taekwoon fidgeted in front of him, unable to look at him in the eyes. "You're up early. You have a schedule?"

 

"Yes. I can't think of any other reason why any of us would be up this early except because of work."

 

"... Yeah, I suppose."

 

"So tell me, Taekwoon-ah," Hakyeon could feel his tears were about to come but he willed them back from falling. There was a bubbling feeling in his stomach and he could tell it was the color of ugly green. "What reason do you have to be up at this time and come from Hongbin's room?"

 

"No-nothing. I just... I just needed... Something from him."

 

"The same thing you needed when you guys crammed yourselves together in that bathroom stall during practice?"

 

Taekwoon unconsciously looked up at him, eyes wide with shock. His face was beet red and he was sweating profusely. "Hakyeon... That's... You..." he looked down again, unable to bear Hakyeon's glare.

 

"Yes, I know about it. So don't try to lie to me now. Tell me honestly, Taekwoon-ah, what's going on here?"

 

Taekwoon looked like he wanted to melt on the spot - lie on the floor and pretend to be dead, judging by the way his knees were bending and his shoulders were slouching like he was trying to make himself look smaller. He probably felt small under Hakyeon's angry gaze too.

 

But Hakyeon couldn't stop himself from glaring. He knew he shouldn't act that way, but he WAS angry. He didn't care if their manager was already calling him. He delayed asking for days but now he wanted to know. He needed an answer.

 

"Your- your phone is ringing."

 

"Jung Taekwoon," Hakyeon was trying not to yell, but Taekwoon still wouldn't answer him and he was about to lose it. "Are you and Hongbin fucking?"

 

"Hakyeon, I think that's hyung calling you."

 

"Are you guys just playing around or are you actually dating?"

 

He took a step forward, and Taekwoon instantly took a step back.

 

"Hakyeon..."

 

"Jung Taekwoon!"

 

Taekwoon flinched as Hakyeon raised his voice. Just then, their manager enetered the dorm and scowled at Hakyeon.

 

"So you're awake? Why weren't you answering your phone? We're gonna be late!"

 

Hakyeon still couldn't tear his gaze away from a cowering Taekwoon.

 

"Are you guys fighting?"

 

"No, hyung," Hakyeon took a deep breath, and then finally looked away from Taekwoon as he faced their manager. "Let's go."

 

He continued taking deep breaths until they were inside the car. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, trying to calm himself.

 

"I don't know what you guys are fighting about, but we're doing this photoshoot for your birthday. You can't be in a foul mood."

 

"We weren't fighting, hyung." Hakyeon replied. He took one last deep breath, and then smiled as he opened his eyes again. "I'm okay. We were just discussing something."

 

"Hakyeon, that smile of yours scare me sometimes."

 

"Why?" Hakyeon chuckled.

 

"Because I don't know when you're actually happy or not."

 

Hakyeon pouted, despite still acting cute and cheerful. "Isn't it better this way?"

 

"No, because whenever you pretend that everything is fine, you tend to snap later on and everyone just worries about you."

 

"Really? Is it like that? I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

 

It wasn't the first time someone saw through Hakyeon's pretense. Minhyuk and Wongeun could often tell when he was just pretending to be cheerful. But it was the first time someone pointed out to him how his facade breaks, causing other people to worry.

 

It was something for him to ponder on. So he tried really hard not to break, but each time he saw Taekwoon and Hongbin in the days that followed, he couldn't help but drown himself in misery. Whenever he was face to face with Taekwoon, he just felt betrayed and furious. He didn't even care that Taekwoon never answered him anymore. The fact that they were having any kind of affair hurt Hakyeon enough. And true to his manager's observation, his inner feelings had been leaking no matter how much pretense he tried to put up. He kept venting it out on Taekwoon during practice and at some point, Taekwoon snapped back at him.

 

"Do you really have to act this way?!" Taekwoon's voice was soft as ever, but his tone was just as frustrated and his gaze was sharp.

 

Hakyeon had sent everybody home so he could help Taekwoon and not have to embarrass him in front of them, but Taekwoon finally had enough of it after almost two weeks enduring Hakyeon's temper.

 

"I know I'm not dancing it so well, but aren't you just mad that I'm dating Hongbin?"

 

Hakyeon got his breath caught in his throat. It wasn't like he could deny it.

 

"Why is it so wrong if we fell in love? It's not like you own either of us. If you love him, you should have told him from the very start. Why are you mad at me now that he's with me?"

 

Hakyeon could only look away, biting back his answer. I _didn't tell him because I didn't want to hurt you. But now you're hurting me_. Although partly true, he knew it was just an excuse.

 

"Let's take a break. I'll go get something to drink."

 

He turned around just as Taekwoon threw himself on the floor with a frustrated groan. Hakyeon quickly wiped a tear from the corner of his eye as soon as he walked out of the practice room.

 

He had to get his feelings in control. Taekwoon was right. They didn't do anything wrong against him. He let his chance with Hongbin slip away from his fingers because he was a coward and he had no right to be upset. The only thing left for him to do now was to get over Hongbin. He should be able to do that.

 

Of course it didn't help that he found Hongbin clenching his fist and ready to charge into battle for his sake. Hongbin was just such a sweetheart that even when Hakyeon felt betrayed, he couldn't bring himself to get mad at Hongbin the way he was with Taekwoon.

 

"Can I hug you?"

 

Hakyeon wanted to break down right then and there. But he couldn't. Hongbin needed him and he didn't care whether he's dating someone else. Hongbin was someone he would always love and protect no matter how much it hurt.

 

 

"Hakyeon - "

 

Hakyeon took a step away from Hongbin as Taekwoon approached them. Thankfully, Jaehwan came at the same time, calling Hongbin to hurry up, so the younger ones did not notice the awkward air that that followed.

 

They stayed silent until they were back in the practice room. Hakyeon felt awkward because he was caught being affectionate with Hongbin right after Taekwoon snapped at him.

 

"I thought you were just going to get a drink? What were you doing with Hongbin at the lobby?" Taekwoon asked inquisitively.

 

"He overheard the dancers talking about us. It wasn't very pleasant. So I decided to walk him out."

 

"Hakyeon, about what I said earlier..."

 

"I'm sorry." Hakyeon cut him off. "I know I was being a total jerk to you. You were right." He sighed. "I was mad at you for doing something I was afraid to do. I should be happy for you guys." His voice was shaking but his eyes were dry. He was not going to cry in front of Taekwoon.

 

"I know it's unfair for me to ask this of you, but please bear with me for a little while. I want to help you with your solo but I might be a little emotional and say harsh things to you. Bear with me, Taekwoon. I'll get over it soon enough."

 

"Hakyeon..." Taekwoon walked over to him and pulled him for a hug. "I am so sorry."

 

"Don't be. Just take care of him. Promise me you'll take care of him."

 

Taekwoon hugged him tighter. 

 

"Hongbin doesn't know, does he? About how I feel for him?"

 

"Uh, no, he doesn't."

 

"Don't tell him." Hakyeon did not want Hongbin to feel uncomfortable, or worse confused. If he was already with Taekwoon, Hakyeon did not want to ruin things for them.

 

Taekwoon hummed weakly. He barely said a word after that. They just continued practicing until their bones ached. 

 

Hakyeon specifically wanted his whole body to ache. He hoped the physical pain and exhaustion would distract him from his heartbreak.

 

-=o0o=-

 

Unfortunately, Hakyeon never had enough distraction. Despite his busy schedule, he had to see Hongbin and Taekwoon almost everyday. He did his best to act gentler with Taekwoon. And although it seemed like Taekwoon was considerate enough not to flaunt his relationship with Hongbin to his face, Hakyeon still occasionally caught them looking at each other. Sometimes, Hongbin would casually lean against Taekwoon, who would then glance at Hakyeon as if checking if it was okay with him. Hakyeon would just look away. He didn't want to stop them from being a happy couple, but it was wearing him down.

 

The only thing he could do was to wait for Minhyuk to have some time for him so they could hang out and he could vent out to at least feel a little lighter inside. He didn't care if the only time Minhyuk had was the night of their concert. He needed some comfort and he needed it desperately.

 

As luck would have it, the very reason he had to go just had to be out there waiting for him at the kitchen. Understandably, Hakyeon thought they still hadn't told the other members about their relationship, so they had been sneaking out late at night for some quality couple time.

 

Taekwoon visibly panicked and stepped away at the sight of Hakyeon, and Hakyeon was instinctively going to rush to help him. But seeing Hongbin grab Taekwoon's hand just made him feel like he wasn't even needed. He was probably disturbing them. 

 

He wanted to vomit.

 

-=oOo=-

 

"I wish they just stayed in one of their rooms so I didn't have to see them."

 

"Would you really prefer that? You know they could be doing something else inside their rooms?"

 

They were sitting side by side at an empty park. Hakyeon wanted to go to their usual hangout place but Minhyuk insisted to meet somewhere near VIXX's dorm because it was late and Hakyeon still had a concert the next day.

 

"It's not like I didn't know they've been doing it anyway. I just wish I didn't have to see them being all lovey-dovey. They probably would have made out if I didn't disturb them just now."

 

"I feel like you're just being paranoid. Because you know they're a couple and because you're jealous, you think everything they do is a secret couple thing. Even if they casually talk to one another, you'll think they're flirting."

 

"I'm not imagining things. I swear Taekwoon looked at Hongbin like he wanted to eat him up."

 

"Ugh, I don't need mental images, thank you."

 

Hakyeon sighed. "Sorry. I didn't want to bother you just to listen to my stupid ramblings."

 

Minhyuk put an arm around his shoulder. "How are you holding up?"

 

"It's... Difficult," He leaned against Minhyuk, who then pulled him closer and eventually eveloped him in a full hug. For the first time since Hakyeon found out, he put his defenses down and he let his tears fall. "It hurts, Minhyuk-ah..."

 

Minhyuk didn't say anything. He just held Hakyeon tight and let him cry as much as he needed to. The makeup artist might say a thing or two to him before the concert, but he didn't care. Hakyeon was grateful for having Minhyuk with him. He had been bottling everything up and he felt like he was going to explode. After finally crying it out, he felt much lighter, like he had been recharged to keep moving on and try to be as happy as possible for Taekwoon and Hongbin.

 

-=o0o=-

 

"Hakyeonnie~" Taekwoon's voice was barely audible from the line. It didn't help that Hakyeon was walking by the beach and the wind was blowing hard on his ears.

 

He had only been in Japan for a few days, and as much as he enjoyed the beautiful places, he missed his members. It seemed they missed him too, as some of them had called him just to check how he was doing. He felt valued and loved. Despite what happened right before he left Seoul, Hongbin still called him to make sure he's doing all right. And now Taekwoon was on the line too.

 

It made Hakyeon feel guilty. After he cried out to Minhyuk, Hakyeon realized he couldn't be genuinely happy for the couple if he would always be hurting. So he decided he would try to heal himself first and just avoid them for the time being. But Hongbin was insistently clinging on to him and Hakyeon almost broke. It was half a joke that he threatened to kiss Hongbin. Half of it was a warning because he didn't know how much he could hold himself back if Hongbin kept clinging on to him. But the way the younger man looked at him with so much concern made him want to just  forget Taekwoon - forget everything, and just kiss Hongbin right then and there.

 

"Hakyeonnie," Taekwoon called out his name louder. "Can you hear me?"

 

"Y-yeah," Hakyeon snapped back to himself. "What's up, Taekwoon?"

 

"..." 

 

Silence. Hakyeon could hear Taekwoon sighing, but he didn't speak. "Taekwoon? Is anything wrong? Did something happen to the dorm? I swear to god, I've only been gone for a few days and --"

 

"Hakyeon-ah," Taekwoon suddenly said. The seriousness in his voice suddenly scared Hakyeon. He wondered if Hongbin told Taekwoon what happened before he left for Japan.

 

"W-what is it?"

 

There was another sigh. "Nothing. I just wanted to ask you to buy lots of snacks for me. You know, the ones we always get when we go there."

 

Hakyeon cluck his tongue. "Did you really have to sound so serious for that? You scared me."

 

"Sorry. How are you doing there?"

 

"Of course you had to ask for snacks first before you even checked on me," Hakyeon tried to joke. Taekwoon still sounded stiff and kept apologizing for calling inconveniently. It wasn't until days after he returned to Korea that Hakyeon realized the actual reason he called.

 

Hakyeon had met with CEO Hwang that day. He heard that Taekwoon was at the studio working on his songs, so he decided to drop by. It wasn't that he was already over Hongbin, but he felt much better after spending some time alone during his fanmeet series. He thought he should go and at least greet Taekwoon. They haven't really seen each other for weeks since Taekwoon left just as Hakyeon returned from Japan. Even after that, Hakyeon was barely in the dorm.

 

"Sounds good," Hakyeon walked in while Taekwoon was playing one of his newly composed songs.

 

"Hey," Taekwoon awkwardly greeted.

 

"Hey yourself," Hakyeon frowned as he sat beside Taekwoon. "Have you seen the snacks I left at the fridge? I put a note for you."

 

"Yeah, thanks." Taekwoon was barely looking at him. 

 

"Why the hell did you ask me to buy lots of snacks if you were going to Japan yourself? Seriously!"

 

"I'm sorry."

 

It was one of the most awkward conversations he's had with Taekwoon. Hakyeon felt like it was his fault for driving a wedge between him and Taekwoon when he was overcome by his emotions. He regretted it because it took so long to get Taekwoon to open up to him, and now it felt like they were back to square one.

"Hakyeon, I have something to sa- "

"Sing for me," Hakyeon suddenly said.

 

"Do you want to hear the other songs?" Taekwoon pressed a few buttons on the panel and started playing a song, But Hakyeon held his hand.

 

"No, I want you to sing for me. Live."

 

Taekwoon was taken aback at first. He looked around the studio as if checking if anyone else was there. "I... They're not final yet."

 

Hakyeon shrugged. "I just want to hear you sing."

 

"Here?"

 

"You can go inside the booth if you want. Think of it as an official recording if you feel awkward with me."

 

It pained Hakyeon that Taekwoon almost immediately stood up, pressed some buttons and then went inside the booth. How uncomfortable must Taekwoon have been to not be able to sing in front of him? They used to lay side by side at their dorm and Taekwoon would just randomly sing for him.

 

But once he was inside the booth, Taekwoon was staring straight at him. It felt like he wanted to say something and Hakyeon could not tear his gaze away. The moment he started singing, Hakyeon felt a pang in his heart. Taekwoon was singing with so much anguish while looking directly into his eyes and Hakyeon was frozen. His voice, though beautiful as ever, sounded a little too low and tensed. Every word sounded airy, as if he was grasping for air just to be able to utter them. It wasn't until tears started falling from Taekwoon's eyes that Hakyeon was able to move. Still, he continued to sing until his sobs have become uncontrollable and Hakyeon rushed to enter the booth.

 

"Taekwoonnie," Hakyeon ran to put an arm around his shoulders. He pulled down the headphones from Taekwoon's ears and then held him close. He had only been thinking of himself and Hongbin. He forgot that Taekwoon was hurting too. "Taekwoonnie, I'm sorry, are you--"

 

"I'm sorry, Hakyeon," He said in between his sobs. "I'm so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to hurt you  guys."

 

"What? Taekwoon-ah," Hakyeon pulled him closer, held him tighter. "Taekwoon, it's okay. I'm okay. You don't have to be so hard on yourself."

 

"It's not okay," Taekwoon screeched. "It's not okay. I lied to you. I hurt you and Hongbin."

 

Hakyeon's face scrunched. His hold on Taekwoon loosened a little, but he didn't let go. "I don't understand, Taekwoon. Let's try to calm down first."

 

Taekwoon repeatedly apologized while sobbing. Hakyeon rubbed his back as he whispered words of comfort. He was itching to force an explanation out of him, but he wanted Taekwoon to stop crying first.

 

"I'm sorry," Taekwoon said again after a while, although he was slowly calming down.

 

"Taekwoon," Hakyeon coaxed gently. "Whatever it is, I promised I won't get mad. So try to talk slowly, okay? What is it? Why are you acting like this?"

 

His eyes were still teary, but Taekwoon wiped his face and heaved as he pulled away from Hakyeon. "I... Lied to you."

 

"About what?" 

 

"Me and Hongbin. We're not... together..." They were now standing face to face and Taekwoon could see how Hakyeon's brows furrowed. His face had a tinge of red, and Taekwoon could only gulp nervously. 

 

"What do you mean? How... Why... Jung Taek--" Hakyeon felt heat rising in his head. He kind of regretted that he promised not to get mad a little prematurely. He breathed deeply and told himself to remain calm. "Taekwoon-ah, please explain more clearly."

 

"It's true we did those things. During practice, Hongbin jerked me off at the restroom and I tried to return the favor that night you saw me coming from his room. But that was it. We just ended up doing things together for some reason. I... I was in love with you, Hakyeon."

 

It was the first time Hakyeon heard it straight from Taekwoon's mouth. And despite the circumstances, he appreciated the honest confession. He did not fail to notice, however, the past tense Taekwoon used. He **_was_**  in love with Hakyeon.

 

"I hated the fact that you were being cold to me because of him. So I lied. I didn't want you to go to him. I just... didn't want to see you guys together. I am so sorry, Hakyeon. I really am. We're not in a relationship and Hongbin doesn't know what I did. He's been really worried about you and he is very much in love with you."

 

Hakyeon pursed his lips. "Just give me a moment." He stepped away from Taekwoon and closed his eyes. He started shaking his hands and jumped around for a bit, growling a little each time he landed. He needed to let some steam out.

 

"You can get angry with me," Taekwoon suddenly said. Hakyeon stopped whatever he was doing and looked at him. "You should be angry with me. Whatever you said earlier doesn't count. You have every right to get mad. You should punch me in the face."

 

Hakyeon frowned. "I won't do that."

 

Taekwoon walked towards him. "I deserve it."

 

"I won't," Hakyeon said firmly. "I already spent  weeks being salty and it didn't make me feel any better. If anything, me being angry with you was what made you lie, wasn't it?"

 

"Hakyeon..." Taekwoon wiped his eyes. His tears were threatening to fall again. "It was all on me. I was wrong. I was selfish. I knew I was hurting you and Hongbin, and I still continued lying. I don't deserve your kindness."

 

"That will be my revenge to you then," Hakyeon pouted playfully. "I'll be kind to you so you just keep feeling guilty for hurting someone like me."

 

Taekwoon's jaw dropped at the statement, but then he sighed and smiled after a while. "That is just very Cha Hakyeon."

 

"I know. I'm evil," Hakyeon chuckled as well.

 

"Don't sulk too for too long though. What you did was wrong. I was at fault for misunderstanding but you lied to me for so long and yes, I was deeply hurt. Don't beat yourself up too hard. A few days would be fine. I'll be fine as well."

 

Taekwoon bit his lower lip and hang his head low. "I'm sorry." 

 

Hakyeon ran a hand through his hair. He sighed one last time and then stepped closer to Taekwoon again. "Stop saying sorry and tell me one thing."

 

"Hmm?"

 

""I... have known for some time that you had feelings for me. But I want to know when it started."

 

"That's..."

 

"Before Hongbin, I was in love with you first."

 

That made Taekwoon jerk his head up and look at him, mouth hanging open with surprise.

 

"It was... bad timing... The moment I got over you, I realized you also had feelings for me. I've had regrets too. Like maybe if I didn't give up on you so soon, things would have turned out differently. But yeah... Hongbin... He's just... Anyway, when was it?"

 

"Around the time we had our first win..."

 

"Our first win? Really? Omygod," Hakyeon gasped. "That's way earlier than I thought. If we confessed to each other back then, we could have been dating!"

 

"..." Taekwoon grunted. "I'm not sure if that's supposed to make me feel better right now. More regrets, I suppose."

 

"I'm sorry, but wow," Hakyeon giggled. And then he straightened up and smiled at Taekwoon. "I'm sorry we've come to this. I wish you didn't have to get hurt either. I'm sorry for the way I acted towards you as well. Even if you lied, I shouldn't have pushed you to the edge."

 

Taekwoon shook his head. "Right now, I just want you and Hongbin to be happy."

 

"Thank you, Taekwoon-ah. For having loved me and for telling me the truth." Hakyeon reached out and pulled Taekwoon by the headphones that hung around his neck. He saw Taekwoon close his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss him. Hakyeon closed his eyes as well, and when he opened them after the kiss, they were brimming with tears. "Thank you."

 

"I haven't told Hong-" Before Taekwoon could finish his sentence, he noticed the studio door closing. "Shit, someone's here!" He ran outside the booth and scanned around the studio. He noticed the envelop thrown at the control panel. 

 

"Who was it?" Hakyeon followed him out.

 

"Maybe Moonjae-hyung. He was supposed to bring these to me," Taekwoon said, checking the sheet music. "But if it was him, I don't think he would have just ran away like that."

 

Taekwoon pulled his phone to call their manager while Hakyeon stepped out of the studio to see if anyone was still there. He walked a few steps down the hallway before Taekwoon came running after him. Apparently, the manager sent him a text that he requested Hongbin to bring the envelop to the studio.

 

"Omygod," Hakyeon felt his heart drop. "You're telling me Hongbin saw us..."

 

"Let's go find him. He probably misunderstood."

 

Hakyeon didn't even wait for Taekwoon to finish. He ran down the hallway, calling out Hongbin's name. He knew exactly how it felt to think the person he loved was in love with someone else. He had been miserable the past weeks and he didn't want Hongbin to feel that way even for a second.

 

He and Taekwoon ran up and down the building, even searching the fire exits and asking people if they have seen him .They went home hoping to find him there too, but they were unsuccessful. Hongbin wasn't answering his phone either. Hakyeon must have called him a hundred times. He even called some of his friends to check in case Hongbin met up with them.

 

Hakyeon only ever wanted to love and protect Hongbin but he probably caused unnecessary pain. It took a while before Taekwoon finally convinced him to calm down and rest.

 

"It's not like he'll just disappear into thin air. He'll come home, and when he does, we'll explain everything to him. It's going to be all right."

 

Hakyeon sighed. He was dead tired. Too many things happened in one day and he was physically and emotionally drained.  So he gave in and let Taekwoon usher him to bed.

 

"I'll wait for him, and then I'll wake you up as soon as he arrives. Just... Let me talk to him for a bit? I mean.. I just want to tell him the truth... About what I did."

 

Hakyeon could sense Taekwoon's hesitation. "It's okay. Tell him everything you wish to say."

 

It scared Hakyeon. If his gut feeling was right, Taekwoon has fallen for Hongbin. He wondered how Hongbin would react if Taekwoon would confess. It just made him more anxious and exhausted even as he lay on his bed. He was tired, but even his sleep was restless. That's why he was easily woken up the moment he heard some rustling by his door.

 

"Can't you just let me recover for a bit?! Today was exhausting! I was heartbroken!"

 

_Me too, Hongbin-ah._ Hakyeon thought as he propped himself up from his bed. 

 

Hongbin looked tensed, and despite the darkness, Hakyeon could see the exhaustion from his face. He probably cried for hours. Hakyeon wondered if he cried over him or over Taekwoon.

 

"I need a hand to hold tonight." Hakyeon said. He just wanted to hold Hongbin, give himself a little comfort and recharge to prepare himself for whatever they needed to talk about. Excited as he was to be able to tell Hongbin how he felt, he was also scared. Despite what Taekwoon told him, Hakyeon was afraid of the possibility that Hongbin might have fallen for Taekwoon too. 

 

The fact that Hongbin stayed there in his room, holding his hand through the night slowly erased his worries, and he was finally able to sleep properly. In his dreams, he was happily spending time with Hongbin, alone in that tree house in Thailand.

 

When he woke up, Hongbin was still there, sleeping soundly on his bed. Hakyeon smiled. It was the best sleep he's had in weeks.

 

Regrettably, the sap didn't last for too long. As Hongbin nervously started his confession, Hakyeon didn't miss the way the younger's grasp on his hand loosened the moment he talked about Taekwoon.

 

Hakyeon got even more confused when he realized Taekwoon might not have told Hongbin everything he wanted to say. And as much as it terrified him, Hakyeon wanted to do the right thing. They have been through so much heartache because of misunderstandings and lies, and Hakyeon didn't want any more of that. If he was going to be with Hongbin, he wanted it to happen for real. For good. He didn't want any of them to have more regrets.

 

So he sent Hongbin away.

 

If he would be honest with himself, he was disappointed that Hongbin left his room like that. Had Hongbin been really sure of his feelings, he thought he would have insisted on staying and confessing to him, no matter what Hakyeon said. But the fact that every point Hakyeon made accurately hit Hongbin in the feels meant that Hongbin was actually confused.

 

Hakyeon felt like he was riding a roller coaster of feelings. From the time he saw Hongbin and Taekwoon together in that restroom stall, up until Taekwoon told him the truth, he thought nothing could go worse anymore. But waiting for Hongbin to make up his mind was even more excruciating.

 

He had his drama filming to keep him busy, but it still felt like the days were too long. He looked forward to coming home, hoping Hongbin would be there waiting for him to tell him his decision. Except Hongbin was never there.

 

The only time he came across Hongbin at the dorm was when he was about to leave, and they only exchanged awkward smiles. Hakyeon's heart was crushed by the lack of reaction. He wondered if Hongbin had chosen Taekwoon and just didn't have the courage to tell him.

 

He proceeded to work begrudgingly, even his co-actors noticed he wasn't in a good mood. At least until he received a text from Hongbin, asking what time he would be back. Hakyeon's sulking quickly turned to nervous fidgeting. He had been waiting for Hongbin to talk to him, but now that he might actually be there waiting, Hakyeon was afraid to go home.

 

What if he can't accept Hongbin's choice after all?

 

Hakyeon couldn't even type a response. He was called for a scene, so he pushed the text to the back of his head until he was done with filming. He bit his nail nervously as he replied that he's on his way home. And then he waited. The tiny number beside his bubble didn't disappear. Hongbin wasn't even reading his message.

 

Hakyeon sighed. Maybe Hongbin didn't wait for him. It was late after all, and they needed all the sleep they could get. He let his heart sink again as he reached their dorm. Lights were out and their common area was empty.

 

Of course. He shouldn't have expected anything else.

 

He then smelled a lavender scent as he approached his room. He hurried in panic, afraid that he left his lavender candle lit before he left for work. He pushed the door open and was terrified to see that his candle, indeed lit up with less than an inch of wax remaining, was the only source of light in his dark room. He quickly turned on his lights and hurried to his bedside table to blow out the candle. He grunted in dismay as he sat on his bed. He couldn't believe he let his precious candle go to waste while he was out working.

 

To his surprise, he heard a soft groan behind him. He turned his head and realized that Hongbin was right there, on his bed, sleeping cozily under the blankets.

 

Hakyeon's mouth fell open. He stretched out a hand to wake Hongbin up, but he hesitated. Instead, he just smiled to himself and stared at Hongbin as he fixed his fringe off  his beautiful face.

 

"Lee Hongbin, what are you doing here?" Hakyeon murmured softly.

 

He had an even bigger surprise when Hongbin, eyes still closed, suddenly answered.

 

"I was waiting for you."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Blame Hakyeon for dropping his performance video Singles photo. I was distracted.  
> Eeeeeeepppp. 
> 
> I'll post the final chapter as soon as i finish this neobin fanart on my drafts lol.
> 
> AAAHHHHHH I FORGOT TO SAY THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO COMMENTED ON CHAPTER 8. I HAD TO HOLD BACK BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID I'LL SPOIL IT FOR YOU GUYS. HAHAHAHA BUT I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL THE COMMENTS AND I'M SORRY FOR BREAKING YOUR HEARTS


	10. Chapter 10

 

It has been two days since Hongbin talked to Hakyeon. They both got busy with filming dramas that they only saw each as he was coming home and Hakyeon was leaving. They exchanged greetings and tensed smiles as they passed by each other at the doorway, but Hongbin didn't have the chance to do the talk with him again.

 

The dorm has been mostly quiet. With Ken doing his web drama and musicals, Ravi working in his studio, and Hyuk often going out with his friends when he doesn't have schedules. Taekwoon was busy preparing for his solo now, recording songs here and there, practicing choreographies, and Hongbin found out through their manager that he has been doing extra work out to get into shape and lose some weight.

 

So Hongbin did not really have anything else to do but to go straight to his room and rest. As he took off his shirt to change his clothes, he couldn't help but remember the things he did with Taekwoon there, in the very same room, on his very own bed. He stared at his empty bed as he finished changing. He thought of Taekwoon, coming into his room for their "business deal". But then he also remembered that time Taekwoon came just to hug him and cry because he was having a hard time.

 

 

 

 

"Coupons, huh?" Hongbin snorted when he realized that Taekwoon was referring to him whenever he talked about the coupons he stole from Hakyeon. His soft chuckles transitioned into a full laugh. He found it funny how so much has happened in such a short time in contrast to the uneventful six years that the three of them had been tiptoeing around each other. He laughed because he felt like he was going crazy and he needed to let everything out.

 

He ended it with a deep sigh, expelling all his frustrations out. He knew he already made up his mind, days earlier. He just needed the chance to talk to them first. 

 

Since Hakyeon just left the dorm, he asked their managers and found out Taekwoon would be home early that night. So he waited. He sent Taekwoon a text too, to let him know that he wanted to talk and that he would be waiting. He didn't get any response, but he assumed it was because Taekwoon was busy with practice and hasn't checked his phone yet.

 

He still had some time to think about the things he was going to say. Hours later, Hongbin was starting to feel sleepy. He was getting bored of playing video games, and he still hasn't received a reply from Taekwoon. So he went out to get some water from the kitchen, only to find Taekwoon sneaking in to get some food.

 

"Hyung!"

 

Taekwoon froze on the spot. He was crouching down low in front of the fridge, getting some snacks. He didn't turn to face Hongbin, but he hissed at himself for being caught.

 

"Are you stealing someone else's food again?"

 

"I'm not. These are mine," Taekwoon said, pulling up a fitness bar from the fridge. He had been eating those to help him reduce weight and still have the energy to work out.

 

"If you're hungry, just eat more filling food."

 

"There's really not much to eat here anymore." Taekwoon said as he started walking out of the kitchen.

 

It saddened Hongbin. The members were barely home so they haven't stock up much food in their fridge. But before he got lost in his thoughts, he remembered what he was actually waiting for. So he ran and caught up to Taekwoon before the latter reached his room.

 

"Hyung, I sent you a text."

 

"Aah, really? I didn't see it."

 

Hongbin could tell Taekwoon was lying by the way he avoided looking at him. Hongbin then realized why Taekwoon was being sneaky in the kitchen. He wasn't stealing food. He was avoiding Hongbin.

 

"You... Don't want to talk to me?"

 

Taekwoon sighed. His voice was toned down it was barely audible.. "Not that I don't want to. I was just busy."

 

"Hyung..." Hongbin placed a hand on his arm. He didn't force Taekwoon to face him, but he wanted them to at least be on the same page.

 

"When I thought you and Hakyeon-hyung would be dating, I asked for a few days to mope in peace. Do you... Need that time too?"

 

"I'm not moping," Taekwoon said, although obviously sulking as he chewed on his fitness bar. Hongbin couldn't help but find his pout adorable.

 

"But are you moping because of Hakyeon-hyung, or because of me?"

 

"I said I'm not mop- wait what?" Taekwoon then looked at him, ears turning red. Hongbin could feel his own ears flushing as well.

 

"Hyung... I'm... sorry. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have done what I did."

 

"What are you talking about?" The strong denial was written all over Taekwoon's face. "What would you be sorry for? You're acting weird."

 

Hongbin smiled sadly. He looked at Taekwoon in the eyes and Taekwoon looked back at him. After a few moments of silence, Hongbin slipped his arms around Taekwoon's waist and pulled him close for a hug.

 

Taekwoon finally gave in. He muttered "I hate you," under his breath, but he leaned his head against Hongbin's shoulder and also wrapped his arms around him, his half-eaten snack still held on one hand. 

 

"I'm sorry," Hongbin repeated. "I didn't mean for all of this to happen. I didn't mean for you to be hurt. I'm just... really sorry."

 

"You didn't do anything. I'm the one who hurt you and Hakyeon."

 

They stayed in each other's arms for a while. Taekwoon held him tight, as if it was the last chance to hold him. But Hongbin kept giving him reassuring pats on the back.

 

As soon as they parted, Hongbin heard Taekwoon's stomach growling. He laughed as Taekwoon sulked again.

 

"I'll go make some ramyeon. I'm hungry too," Hongbin said.

 

Taekwoon looked hesitant, but the fitness bar wasn't making him any less hungry. So they went back to the kitchen, where he watched by the counter while Hongbin cooked.

 

"Don't make it too soggy again," Taekwoon said. His voice has become a little louder now that they were talking about food. "It's bad if you overcook it!"

 

"How about you cook instead? You know you're better at this."

 

"I thought you're doing this to make me feel better."

 

Hongbin laughed. "I am, but I'm hungry too, and I want something delicious."

 

"You can eat me then. I'm delicious."

 

Hongbin almost dropped the pot lid. His face got so red that Taekwoon almost laughed, except that he was blushing just as hard.

 

"Wow, you've become really shameless, hyung." Hongbin chuckled. Even if he was embarrassed, he was glad that Taekwoon was comfortable enough to still joke with him.

 

"I learned from you guys," Taekwoon stuck his tongue out like a little kid. Hongbin smiled at him, and then proceeded to put the noodles into the pot.

 

It turned out less soggy than the first time Hongbin cooked for Taekwoon, so he didn't hear much complaint.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Hongbin asked while they were eating.

 

Taekwoon just hummed, too busy eating his ramyeon.

 

"How did you... I mean... When did you... Uhhh..." Hongbin really wanted to ask but he couldn't find the words for it.

 

Taekwoon shoved a huge lump of noodles into his mouth and then he put down his chopsticks. He leaned back, staring at Hongbin as he chewed quietly. He knew what Hongbin was asking, and he was preparing himself to answer.

 

When he has swallowed enough to speak, Hongbin still hasn't uttered his question, so Taekwoon just answered.

 

"It just kinda happened."

 

Hongbin pursed his lips, unsure if he was allowed to keep asking seeing as taekwoon answered vaguely. But the latter decided to just keep talking, even though his voice has become slightly muted again.

 

"When Hakyeon first confronted me, I was so shocked that I couldn't really answer him. It started a misunderstanding. I wanted to clear things up but I didn't really know how to explain what we did. And later on, I thought, why was he only mad at me? He was avoiding you but he was gentle when you guys talked. He was always irritable with me. For a moment, I hoped maybe it was because he was in love with me. But then I saw him looking at you longingly during practice. I realized, ahhh, he thought I stole you away from him."

 

Hongbin has stopped eating. He was just listening to Taekwoon talk now.

 

"I was jealous and hurt. So instead of telling him the truth, I lied and told him we were seriously seeing each other. But instead of getting angrier, he apologized for the way he acted. And he just told me to take care of you. I felt really bad. I knew you guys had feelings for each other but I was selfish and I didn't want to see you get together while I would be left alone."

 

Taekwoon sighed. He picked up his chopsticks and started clawing on his noodles, but he wasn't really picking up anything.

 

"After that, I didn't know how to take it back anymore. I tried to talk to him a couple of times, but I couldn't find the words to say. So I just continued pretending. I did try to take care of you, but somehow, you always ended up taking care of me instead. At some point,  I just realized, ahh, this is why he's in love with you and not with me." the tinge of blush was back on Taekwoon's face as he looked at Hongbin.

 

"Hyung... I like you. A lot. But Hakyeon-hyung..."

 

Taekwoon sighed and smiled. "You love him. I know."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Stop saying sorry to me. It's not something for you to apologize for. I'm the one who's really sorry for hurting you guys."

 

"To be honest, I was okay. I only had to hold myself back from confessing. It was no big deal because half of me was actually scared of doing it. But I thought hard about everything that happened, and I realized that Hakyeon-hyung was hurting all along. That's what pains me too. I can't imagine how painful it was for him."

 

Taekwoon looked down, the guilt coming back to him. "Yeah. I made him suffer for no reason for almost two months. I really regret all of it. I couldn't apologize enough to him. And even after I told him the truth, he was just so kind to me about it. So really, you should stop apologizing to me. If you do that, it's the same as being sorry for loving Hakyeon and I know you'll never be sorry for that. You're not responsible for how I feel about you."

 

"Thank you, hyung. I'm really flattered. I..." Hongbin could not really think of anything else to say but sorry. So instead, he reached out and held Taekwoon's free hand on the table.

 

 

 

 

"I would also ask for a pity kiss from you too, but knowing our unfortunate luck of always walking in on weird times, I don't want Hakyeon to misunderstand again."

 

"He got mad that you called it a pity kiss. He said it wasn't."

 

Taekwoon's eyes got a little teary as he smiled. "You guys are too nice. You really deserve each other."

 

Hongbin leaned over the table anyway. He cupped Taekwoon's face with one tiny hand and pulled him for a quick kiss. "It's a kiss of gratitude. Even if I didn't know about it, it was nice being your pretend boyfriend for a while."

 

Taekwoon chuckled. "Yeah. You're a great boyfriend. Hakyeon is lucky." He noticed there was a hint of sadness in Hongbin's eyes as he sat down again, and he felt the need to reassure Hongbin. "I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me. I'm dealing with it and I'm sincerely happy for you both. Plus, I also realized I can get easily distracted."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Just... You know... In our industry, you find a lot of eye candy." Taekwoon was getting flustered again and Hongbin raised a brow.

 

"Woah, are you telling me you already got over me? I'm slightly offended," Hongbin laughed. "I guess it's easy to forget someone like me."

 

Taekwoon giggled too. "It's not that I'm over you. It's just... Good distraction." He looked down to his bowl and started eating again. "Hurry up. It's getting soggy."

 

"Hey, your distraction wouldn't happen to be your huge sunbae who treats you like a baby, would it?"

 

Taekwoon choked on his ramyeon. 

 

"Omygod, Hyung!" Hongbin scolded him even as he handed over a glass of water. "Isn't he married?!"

 

"It's not like that!" Taekwoon could barely raise his red face from the table. His hands were unconsciously covering half of his face too. "It's not anything like that. I just... Get easily flattered."

 

Hongbin scowled at him. "Don't let your praise kink turn into a daddy kink!"

 

"I'm not! I told you, it's not like that! I... Just admire him a lot. That's all!"

 

Hongbin looked skeptical, but he laughed after a while. "It's funny when you get that flustered. You're redder than usual."

 

Taekwoon grunted.

 

"I suppose it's okay for you to have a crush. Just don't let it go beyond that. It's dangerous."

 

"Don't call it a crush. That sounds childish. I swear I just admire him. And I greatly respect him, so no, it won't go anywhere beyond that."

 

"Does that mean you don't respect me or Hakyeon-hyung? You know, with the boners and stuff that we did."

 

"Let me live!" Taekwoon half-yelled and half-laughed, face still as red. "You were the one who offered to do it first! And Hakyeon gets really rude with his damn ass!"

 

"I'm not blaming you," Hongbin resumed eating his ramyeon to hide his guilty smile. "I was just teasing, hyung. I know it was my fault."

 

"I... don't blame you either. Don't beat yourself up over it." Taekwoon pouted at how the conversation turned so serious again. "I'm okay. Really."

 

Hongbin just nodded. His dimpled smile still looked a little forced though.

 

"Speaking of which, tell Hakyeon to chill with the seductiveness." Taekwoon said it while smiling and Hongbin had to wonder if he was joking or not. "Otherwise, I can't promise you the boners will be gone for good."

 

"First you tell me you're crushing on someone else, and now you tell me you'll keep getting turned on by him. Are you sure you even liked me at all?" Hongbin snorted.

 

"Liking you doesn't change the fact that he is frustratingly hot. I thought we agreed on that."

 

"Hmmm... that's true," Hongbin thought for a moment. "I'm not sure I can do anything about that though." He wasn't really sure he wanted to do anything about it. "It's Cha Hakyeon we're talking about."

 

"Well, if you guys ever want to add a little spice in your relationship, we can re-negotiate our business deal. But we can't be called business partners with three people involved."

 

So it was Hongbin's turn to choke on his noodles and get flustered while it was Taekwoon's turn to laugh. Hongbin coughed so hard he almost spat his food out.

 

"Payback," Taekwoon smirked. "Don't let the noodles go out of your nose."

 

Hongbin chugged down his water and grunted at Taekwoon as soon as his coughing stopped

 

"What did I do to deserve that?" He whined.

 

Taekwoon shrugged. "Ahhh, I'm envious. You get to spend sexy time with Hakyeonnie. You're finally living out your six-year old dream."

 

"At least you've kissed him. I haven't even done that." Hongbin slouched on his seat.

 

Taekwoon's brows furrowed as he stared at Hongbin. "You haven't?"

 

"We... Haven't had the chance to talk again."

 

"Then what did you do the other night? You slept in his room!"

 

"We literally just slept. And talked in the morning... But..."

 

"But? What did you talk about? Didn't you confess?"

 

"Just stuff. I... Hyung, it's weird to talk to you about this."

 

Taekwoon glared at him. "We've been talking about weird stuff this whole time. Yah Lee Hongbin, did you really chicken out?!"

 

"I did not chicken out! Things just got complicated. But it's fine. I'm just gonna wait for him to come home, and then we'll talk again."

 

"You better," Taekwoon said firmly."I swear if you don't go and confess to Hakyeon tonight, I won't let you go to him anymore."

 

Hongbin forced a smile. He was flattered to have someone like Jung Taekwoon fall for him, and it saddened him to break Taekwoon's heart.

 

But Hongbin was sure that his feelings for Hakyeon were real. He just needed to let Hakyeon know.

 

-=o0o=-

 

He wasn't sure what time Hakyeon would be back, so he sent him a text and decided to just wait in Hakyeon's room.  Their rooms are often left open so members can come and go anytime. Hakyeon's room was specifically always open because he liked it when the members randomly come to talk to him.

 

As he waited, he noticed the lavender candle (along with probably fifty other candles) on Hakyeon's bedside table. Hongbin smiled to himself. It was his gift for Hakyeon's birthday the previous year, and it made him happy that Hakyeon kept it so close to him and was actually using it a lot that there was only so little left of it.

 

Hongbin then had an idea. He wasn't really the romantic type but he realized he shouldn't come empty-handed - not after everything Hakyeon had to go through. He checked his phone if Hakyeon has replied to see if he had enough time to go out and buy a present. Hakyeon has read his message, but just like Taekwoon, he didn't reply.

 

Hongbin scowled. What is with people ignoring his texts?

 

Nevertheless, Hongbin just decided to go out and buy a new set of candles for Hakyeon. It was getting late and shops were about to close but he managed to find good scented ones. He also dropped by a jewelry shop to scan for a possible birthday gift.

 

By the time he got back to the dorm, Hakyeon still hasn't replied to him. He frowned as he set the paper bag on Hakyeon's table.

 

"What's wrong with him? He obviously read it." Hongbin bit his lip nervously. Maybe Hakyeon was mad at him? "Eh, whatever. I'm not leaving until we get to talk."

He lit what was left of the old candle he got for Hakyeon and then lay grumpily on the bed. He stared at his phone, waiting for a response. After a while, he decided to just savor the comfort of an airconditioned room and tucked himself under Hakyeon's sheets. He started playing games to occupy himself. At some point, he checked on the fancafe, and even had a quick chat with Gongchan to keep himself from dozing off. But Hakyeon never replied, and he just fell asleep waiting.

 

 

There was a dip on the bed. Hongbin wasn't sure at first if he was awake or still dreaming, but his senses were tingling. When he felt a finger on his skin, he knew Hakyeon has arrived.

 

"What are you doing here, Lee Hongbin?" It was whispered softly, as if it wasn't intended for him to hear.

 

"I was waiting for you."

 

He felt the hand instantly withdrew from his face, so he slowly opened his eyes. He stretched out and yawned before getting up and rubbing his eyes.

 

"What took you so long, hyung?" He tried to casually start a conversation, only to have Hakyeon hit him lightly on the chest.

 

"I came home as soon as filming ended. I replied to you."

 

Hongbin looked around the bed for his phone and checked the text. Indeed, Hakyeon replied while he was sleeping.

 

_I'm on my way back. Have you decided? I'm not sure I'm prepared to hear it._

 

"You didn't reply so I thought you just ditched me." Hakyeon's voice was shaking.

 

Hongbin was stunned. He took Hakyeon's hand and then pulled him close. He was known for having short limbs, but he thought it was a perfect fit for hugging Hakyeon's slender figure.

 

"I'm sorry," he embraced Hakyeon tightly while running one hand through Hakyeon's soft hair. "I didn't think you'd be so scared."

 

Hakyeon was hugging him too, but he was hitting Hongbin's back with clenched fists. He buried his face against Hongbin's broad shoulders. "I hate you."

 

"Funny, you and Taekwoon-hyung said the exact same thing as soon as I hugged you."

 

Hakyeon pulled away. "You've talked to Taekwoon?"

 

Hongbin nodded and hummed.

 

"And?"

 

"And that was it. I don't understand what you're expecting to happen."

 

Hakyeon looked at him skeptically. "So you're... Choosing me?"

 

Hongbin smiled at him. He reached out to gently caress Hakyeon's face. "Of course it's you." And then he pinched his cheek. "It has always been you, idiot."

 

Hakyeon scowled at him. "Then what took you so long to come back?!" Hakyeon whined. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, but he had an adorable pout on his lips.

 

"You told me to take my time!" But Hongbin clucked his tongue. He felt bad for indeed taking too long to go back, despite being sure of his feelings. 

 

"If you were sure about me, you wouldn't even have left." Hakyeon continued being pouty, but Hongbin just laughed. It was just too adorable for him.

 

"What, were you testing me?" He shook his head and pretended to be upset "I'm disappointed that you considered even for a moment that I wouldn't choose you. I told you before I left, didn't I?"

 

"What?"

 

"I told you I'll come back to you."

 

Hakyeon froze for a second. "I thought you meant you'll get back to me to let me know your choice."

 

"Nah," Hongbin took both of Hakyeon's hands again. He wanted to continue what he had planned to say two days ago. "You told me to be sure, so I thought about it, over and over again. I like him, I really do, but like I said before, it does not change how I feel for you."

 

He pulled Hakyeon by his hands so that they sat closer to each other. He waited until their eyes met, and he held that gaze as he finally said it. "I love you."

 

Hakyeon's tears finally started rolling down his cheeks as he bit his lips.

 

Hongbin smiled as he reached out to wipe the tears off. "I have loved you, ever since you came to get me when I ran away. I love you for all times you were there for me when I needed a friend. For the small things you do not just for me but for everyone around you. I love you for how beautiful of a person you are. I love you for your imperfections. Your frugality. Your temper. Your insistent touchiness and your nagging tendencies."

 

Hakyeon's tears weren't stopping, and Hongbin just continued wiping them gently while rubbing circles at the back of Hakyeon's palm with his other hand.

 

"I love you and your beautiful smile. Your smooth movements and exquisite dancing. Your caring nature. Your kind heart. I love you even on your weakest days. When you feel down and I don't see you smile, I just want to hold you tight and make you feel better. When you try to act like everything is okay, I want to tell you that I'm here for you. You always protect us but I also want to protect you from any kind of pain and I'm just really sorry that I didn't notice you were suffering through all of this."

 

Hakyeon sniffed and started wiping his own tears. He then slipped his arms around Hongbin's waist and hugged him again. "You're here now."

 

"Yes," Hongbin hummed to his ear. "I'm here with you now. And I'll always be with you." He pulled back a little just enough to see Hakyeon's face. He carefully placed a hand at the nape of Hakyeon's neck and then leaned forward to kiss him.

 

It was a quick and chaste kiss. When he pulled back again, he stared at Hakyeon and waited.

 

Hakyeon was now smiling. A faint blush on his cheeks. He gripped Hongbin's waist and leaned in again. Hongbin met him halfway for a deeper kiss.

 

Hongbin didn't know he could hold his breath that long, but he was willing to hold it even longer. Hakyeon's lips were soft and smooth, in contrast to his chapped ones. He felt a little conscious about it, but Hakyeon didn't seem to mind. He occasionally broke the kiss for a quick breath, but Hongbin was too pre-occupied with wanting more that he barely gasped for air.

 

Kissing Hakyeon was just everything he imagined and more. It was soft, and tender, and it made his heart flutter. The way Hakyeon gripped and occiasionally tugged the hem of his shirt sent him indescribable sensation. Butterflies were not even enough for a metaphor. His heart was racing and his stomach was twisting but he loved it and he just wanted it to go on forever.

 

It wasn't until Hakyeon started to giggle into the kiss that Hongbin actually pulled back. Hakyeon curled down on his bed and continued giggling cutely.

 

"Hongbin, you were barely breathing," Hakyeon said.

 

Hongbin's face flushed red with embarrassment. "Sorry... I..." He couldn't exactly say how he was hungry for Hakyeon's lips.

 

"No... No... It's not that," Hakyeon tried to straigthen up. "I'm not making fun of you, it's cute."

 

"I'm not cute," he said as he pouted (ironically cutely).

 

"Yes, you are." Hakyeon was still giggling. "I'm laughing because I can't believe you said all those sappy things just now. Lee Hongbin who doesn't have a romantic bone in his body just confessed to me with the cheesiest words possible. I can't believe it."

 

Hongbin unconsciously rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. I was trying so hard not to cringe at myself." He chuckled as well.

 

"Filiming romantic dramas toned down your cringe reflex?"

 

"No." Hongbin answered seriously. "It's the other way around. Loving you made me able to stand cringeworthy romance scenes."

 

They stared at each other for a few quiet seconds... And then they both broke out laughing with fingers curling at the sappiness.

 

"I can't believe I just said that."

 

"Who are you and what did you do to my Hongbin?"

 

Hongbin actually cringed this time, but he couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. Hakyeon just claimed him as his. 

 

He took Hakyeon's hands again, and they spent some more quiet moments, just holding hands and smiling at each other. They didn't really need to say anything else. They just knew they were both happy being there with each other.

 

"Aah, the candle!" Hongbin suddenly remembered when his eyes drifted towards the bedside table.

 

"Right! Thanks for reminding me," Hakyeon suddenly frowned. "How dare you use my candle?!"

 

"I'm sorry?" Hongbin was going to reach out for the paper bag but he paused and squinted at Hakyeon, confused at why he'd be upset about a candle.

 

"That lavender candle! I only light it up for 5 minutes max once in a while because I didn't want to use it all up."

 

"Why? It's a candle. It's supposed to be used. It smelled good too! I think that's why I fell asleep while waiting for you."

 

"Because you gave it to me! I wanted to save at least a little of it and keep it."

 

Hongbin rolled his eyes again, but his smile was wide, and the tingling in his chest refused to go away. He always knew Hakyeon was a sentimental person, but knowing that Hakyeon treasured his gifts made him really happy. 

 

"It's just a candle." He inched towards the edge of the bed and reached over Hakyeon to get the new set he bought. "I can always get you new ones." He opened the bag and gave a box of candle to Hakyeon. He watched as Hakyeon's face lit up at the sight of it.

 

"You really love candles, huh?"

 

Hakyeon nodded eagerly. "They smell nice. And they help me sleep at night, especially when I'm too tired. They have a healing effect on me. Making candles is also fun."

 

"You light a candle every night?"

 

"Not every night, but often, yes."

 

"So..." Hongbin bit his lip. "I'll get to smell them often too?"

 

Hakyeon stared at him. "Why? Are you planning to buy your own candles too?"

 

Hongbin scowled.

 

"You're not? I can give you some of those under the table if you want," Hakyeon said, still trying to act innocently.

 

As a response, Hongbin grabbed the new box set from Hakyeon, hugged it in his arms, and then suddenly laid his head down on Hakyeon's lap.

 

"Why? Why are you sulking?" Hakyeon asked seriously.

 

"My room is hot."

 

"You said it's okay. You didn't want to buy an aircon."

 

"That was before. It's too hot now."

 

"I'll buy you an aircon then."

 

"Aysh, hyung!" Hongbin whined loudly.

 

Hakyeon finally laughed. "I thought you didn't want to sleep in my room?"

 

"I never said that!"

 

"Really? I thought you did?"

 

"Never!"

 

Hakyeon raised a brow. "So you want to sleep here?"

 

"Can I?"

 

"I don't know." Hakyeon placed his elbow on Hongbin's chest, and then rested his chin on his hand. "I'm still kind of holding a grudge against you."

 

"For what?"

 

"For jerking Taekwoon off during practice."

 

"Oh, that." Hongbin looked away, and then sat up again.

 

"Hey, I was joking," Hakyeon said, seeing the guilty look on Hongbin's face. "It's okay. Forget it."

 

"No, hyung." Hongbin put down the candle box on the bed and faced Hakyeon again. "I'm sorry about that. None of this would have happened if I didn't do that. Taekwoon-hyung's lie stemmed from that. You getting hurt started from that as well. You suffered alone for almost two months and I was too naive to notice."

 

"It's okay now. We've both talked to Taekwoon and we're here now. I wasn't completely alone. At least I had Minhyuk."

 

For some reason, that didn't make Hongbin feel better.

 

Hakyeon chuckled, seeing his reaction. "What? You're jealous of Minhyuk?"

 

Hongbin shook his head. "No," he replied, though his eyes turned to his left side. "I'm thankful he was there to comfort you."

 

Hakyeon pulled him close again and slung his arms over Hongbin's shoulders. "Minhyuk is a good friend."

 

"I know."

 

"He's straight though."

 

"..."

 

"Still jealous?"

 

"No."

 

"You're a terrible liar."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"I'm also jealous of Taekwoon. At least Minhyuk never got to touch my dick."

 

"Hyung, I -" Hongbin was ready to make excuses and assure Hakyeon his rendezvous with Taekwoon was nothing to be jealous about, but then he realized that Hakyeon was just being playful with him.

 

He was staring at Hongbin with a wicked glint in his eyes. Hongbin gulped nervously, but he would be lying if he said it didn't excite him.

 

Hakyeon smirked, knowing that Hongbin got the message. He leaned forward, his arms crossing behind Hongbin's neck, effectively pulling the latter for a kiss. Hongbin automatically placed his hands on Hakyeon's hips and gripped the oversized shirt he was wearing.

 

**_Was it hot?_ **

 

Hakyeon's trademark question from their show years ago randomly played in Hongbin's head.

 

And if anyone was to ask him that question about what happened in Hakyeon's room that night, his answer would be along the lines of "YES. IT WAS F*CKING HOT."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yey~ we're done!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my fic and staying with me through the end. I'm generally bad with endings but I hope you liked it~
> 
> I'm sorry to the leobin stans whose hearts were broken. This was originally a LeoBin fic, but what can I do? I'm a Hakyeon stan. lol Also blame Hongbin for breaking Taek's heart on twitter. I had my final decision to make this Chabin after that.
> 
> I wasn't able to do the neobin fanart but i did [this](https://twitter.com/loveseek630/status/1036294626406100992?s=19) instead 
> 
> Anyway, thank you again~  
> Don't be so broken hearted. Anyone who wants to write a spinoff with Taek's business offer is free to do so lol


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